Beef Slurpee

[just a lil’ guy @justin_al3x]

not one person has texted me a happy fat boy friday yet, wtf. i guess i’m skinny now

[Bimble the Wizard @BimbleWizard]

Okay jokes aside why the fuck would I help a corporation that doesnt believe water is a human right locate their stolen candy bars? Fuck you nestle

[bad @atneobadd]

me, seeing a man with a belly: 😍😍😍😛😛😛🥵🥵🥵💦💦💦🤤🤤🤤

me, seeing my own belly: 🤢🤢🤢🥴🥴🥴🥲🥲🥲🙍🙍🙍😔😔😔👎👎👎❌❌❌

[charlie @BUNNlCULA]

damn i just realized 9-to-5 means 9 days a day 5 weeks a day a week 9 to days a 5 week a hours 9 days

[Stacy Cay @stacycay]

I have some things I want to say about Charlie Kirk now if that’s cool

[꒰১ danni ໒꒱ @DanielleDoee]

me @ everyone getting gifted a switch 2 and pokopia

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

[feeding a baby before airplanes were invented]
here comes the spoon. if you’d like additional whimsy you have to imagine it yourself

[Columbus Library @columbuslibrary]

10K likes and we get our CEO to eat a hardcover book like it's a hamburger

[Ai Luv Ewe🐏Planet Anime Artist Alley FFXIVFanFest @ailuvewe]

Have you heard about ffxiv?🎉

[Nori ⚓⚰️ Vgen open @noritar0]

i like it when people type "end if gay" in arams
like uh.... i am 😭

[Beef Slurpee @mcperps]

@HiltonHotels Thanks! I sent a message

[Beef Slurpee @mcperps]

@HiltonHotels a $500 charge went through at one of your hotels that I did not make. Another $1200 charge was blocked by my credit union. I’ve been on hold for 25 minutes to speak to the Nashville Gulch Homewood Suites. Who can help me?

[ravn @mfnravn]

*seductively takes off glasses*
damn baby you’re so fucking blurry

[respectful huff @alexqarbuckle]

I don't need to Doordash, surely I can whip something up with what I've got at home [opens cupboard] Aha! Siri, search Windex recipes

[meredith 🍉 @dietz_meredith]

when you do a myers briggs personality test how much blood is it normal for them to take

[Fallon @filthtofilth]

Babe you’ve hardly touched my last nerve are you okay

[meredith 🍉 @dietz_meredith]

“i’m moving in silence” couldn’t be me im going clomp clomp clomp fe fi fo fum

[g @34rths]

Anyways!!!!!! I'm repressing that

[𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 @MoMohler]

The winter storm hasn’t even hit yet and I’ve already eaten all the toilet paper I bought.

[tate @octatate]

the mold in my owala is making me evil