Molly Thomas

Actor, @UCBNY Improvisor Higgins, We Know How You Die, UCBTourCo and The Lady Jam!, Writer, Feminist, New Yorker/Michigander/Hoosier

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

No garden in this dog pee?

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

I know mortgage rates have doubled, but anyone want to go in on this place with me?

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

@kyleewert Relieved you guys are ok!

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

@TheMarkDowling This tweet is your game show

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

The Little Prince sucks. Come at me.

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

I suspect my dentist would like to be called “Molar Daddy”.

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

@nutellacartel @DougMoe It’s baseball season

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

@damianchadwick Unforgiving notes

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

My 3 year old’s demands have gotten particularly cruel. If you want to know what Elmo, singing “A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo” to the tune of “Don’t Stop Believin’” sounds like, swing by our place at bedtime.

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

@ryan_haney This is the winning tweet

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

@thecascott And can I get it home

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

Every day, in what should be the last 10 minutes before naptime, my toddler performs the entirety of August Osage County.

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

With American companies ceasing operations in Russia, why doesn’t @McDonalds stop? #freedomfries #Ukraine

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

@Bluvband Exception @BernieSanders

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

Can’t wait for quarantine to let up so I can sip a scotch with my neighborhood bartending robot

[Reuters @Reuters]

This fully-automated bartender can help bars and hotels reduce human contact

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

This is every FaceTime with my dad.

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

Ok my friends and friendly strangers, who wants this shirt? Gift from my dad- I can truly never imagine wearing it but for one of you it would be perfection. Size L features the words “Key West” and “https://t.co/cJfEK0ocun” for salty beach fans. Happy to mail to a good home.

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

How is the ring getting all the attention when these are the earrings!?!

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

Remember when “boof” never meant fart?

[Molly Thomas @mcthomas]

That’s it. That’s the tweet.