[restaurant date]
waiter: hey guys [looks at me] oh shit SPONGEBOB? is that you?
date: spongebob?
me: yeah um it was a nickname in college cuz-
waiter: cuz he was INSIDE a pineapple
me:
date:
waiter: just [humping motion] fucked the shit outta that thing. how ya been man?
Was getting a Diet Dr. Pepper at Sheetz. Didn’t realize a man was waiting at the soda fountain behind me, so I said “Oh, I’m sorry,” & he replied “Honey, you never have to apologize for visiting The Doctor” & it does sort of feel like I encountered God in disguise.