Megh

No

[The Kaipullai @thekaipullai]

Me asking Standard Chartered for a bank statement so that I can get my account no and account details

Standard Chartered sending me a PDF with my account no as its password

[SUHEL SETH @Suhelseth]

All the blokes now landing from overseas in Chennai will have a field day with the Chennai Customs. Forget being tormented, I won’t be surprised if the Chennai Customs folks actually welcome them with filter coffee! Such is the twitter thrashing these chaps have received😉

[Nabibi🐝 @lolajaey]

I’ve tasted Unemployment and I’ve tasted 9-5.
I recommend not being born.

[The Kaipullai @thekaipullai]

There are bad movies. There are worse movies. There are worst movies. Then you have Jawaan, Sura and Thug life.

And somewhere between Worst and Jawaan, there is Coolie.

The basis of a movie is a story, its characters and its screenplay. And then to complement everything, the music.

A combination of it all makes a movie what it is.

Coolie has none of it.

First of all, it is supposed to be revenge drama. But they don't tell us why revenge is being taken. It's like a murder mystery, without the murder.

The lack of story is amplified by a screenplay so bad, that for most of the movie you have no idea what the hell is going on. Tenet is actually more comprehensible than Coolie and I don't mean it as a compliment.

For starters, Rajni and Sathyaraj are supposed to be close friends. Why? We don't know. We are somehow supposed to take the hero at his word.

Why does Soubin Shahir kill Sathyaraj? We don't know. I guess he just likes killing like we have Parle G with Tea. I mean he is supposed to be the evil guy and all, but still punching a man to death is a bridge too far for me.

Then we have the Shruti Haasan character.

I mean I didn't understand why she was even in this movie. She does nothing, acts pathetically and is shown to be dumber than dumber in Dumb and Dumber. Her dialogue delivery is more labored than labourers in the port and does absolutely nothing to advance the plot. Yet, like lemon and chilly, she's there throughout the movie.

Guess the director had a crush on her at some point in his life or Kamal got her in thru the nepo kid quota.

The biggest weakness in the movie however is the Villain.

Nagarjuna is supposed to be the evil mastermind kingpin who makes people tremble.

But there is no explanation on why he is so evil and why he is the kingpin etc etc. All he does throughout the movie is laugh manically and somehow, we are supposed to believe he is a don. Yes, they do show him standing in front of an old container with the word "Kingpin" on it, so I guess that is the explanation.

Even Naai Sekar was a deadlier don than Simon.

There is absolutely no head or tail in the movie. It is just insta reels stitched together with no correlation whatsoever. No explanation on how things happen, no motivation for characters for doing what they do.

In One scene Soubin Shahir, is dancing bare bodied with Pooja Hegde who has just been engaged. Then in the next scene he is dead. Then miraculously he is alive again and is on a train with Shruti Haasan. Suddenly he has killed the engine driver and commandeered the train. And out of nowhere he is in Nellore eating biriyani.

Confused. Even I was.

Plot holes are so wide that an asteroid can burst thru it. Ad-hoc explanations are given for occurrences. And Somethings aren't even explained at all.

Like how the son of a Kingpin smuggler can be appointed as a customs officer in the same port his dad is the kingpin of. I mean Don't the customs people do background verification?

How does a porter like Rajni afford to buy land and build a grand mansion in Chennai?

Why does Rajni imprison 19 people in his mansion, train them like pavlovian dogs to appear at his whistle and deprive them of a good life?

Where is the police, when all the characters in the movie kill more people than the population of New Zealand? Don't they have law and order in the Chennai and Vizag Coolie is set in?

Why was this movie even made?

Random twists are shoehorned in for the heck of it. The supposed big twist is so lame that you don't give a shit about it when you see it. But nobody can blame you because, by this point, you are so exhausted with the movie that you simply don't care.

And to keep you distracted from this flaming pile of nonsense, they keep throwing movie stars at you like candy at a birthday party.

I still don't get who Aamir Khan's character was and why was he in Banian and shorts firing twin machine guns and mouthing some useless dialogues at the end.

Unless Maran compensated him for the losses of Lal Singh Chadha, I don't understand why Aamir would denigrate himself this way. It's not like he has EMIs to pay.

But the worst treatment, however, was reserved for Upendra. And in an atrocity like Coolie, that is saying something. It was so bad, that I really felt sad for the guy.

I mean he's a legit superstar in Kannada, has been a great director and has even ventured into politics. But for some reason in this movie, he has been reduced to one step above the junior artists who play the dead bodies the villains burn.

There are junior artists in the movie who have more lines than Upendra. Even Mahesh Manjrekar, who shows up for 5 mins from the end has more dialogues than Upendra. And he is shown as a handicapped man in a wheelchair with an oxygen mask.

Why they booked flight ticket and brought him all the way from Bengaluru to insult him, is beyond me.

I don't exactly know how the movie making thing works, but usually, writers write a story which then gets converted into a screenplay with characters. Then based on the characters you decide actors and then you make a movie.

But Coolie is the other way round. In fact, it reintroduces the "Perarasu school of Extempore movie making"

Here the crew had no idea what they wanted to make and simply shot scenes on the go. And when the producer said money over, they packed up and released whatever they made.

To sum it up

Nothing in Coolie is redeemable. Story is Absent, Screenplay is Non-Existent, Characterization makes a cardboard sheet look like Vibranium, screeching noise on a blackboard is more melodious than its music and there is no acting.

It's like Kalanithi Maran took Lokesh Kanagaraj, into a room where all these actors were sitting like Avengers, put a gun to his head and asked him to make a movie with all of them.

Lokesh then fed some random thoughts into a bootleg ChatGPT bought on Meesho and whatever it spat out became the movie.

If ever there was a medal for the perfect disaster of a movie. Coolie would be a strong contender

So, should you watch it?

Well, let me put it this way, if someone kidnaps you and gives you an option between torture and watching Coolie. Choose torture.

Because anything they do will be less painful than watching Coolie.

[Trendulkar @Trendulkar]

It's true.

[non aesthetic things @PicturesFoIder]

it’s the little things in life ❤️

[☔ @Whotfismick]

y'all

[Why you should have a cat @ShouldHaveCat]

Netflix and chill ❤️

[star 💫 @stxrinsky]

haha

[Kanika @DalRotiForLife]

Kids today who receive text over WhatsApp that school is off will never understand the feeling of going to school, finding out that it’s a holiday, and then coming back home to eat that tiffin while watching our favourite cartoon!

[Matt Margolis @ItsMattsLaw]

trademark lawsuits are just two parties spending hundreds of thousands of dollars and ruthlessly fighting over the use of a word like blimbo

just a completely unserious form of litigation

[Janhavi Jain | Building SKIPD @janwhyy]

Passport privilege is real, This boi casually wanted to go to Europe with me before Term started and then I had to explain him the Schengen visa process for Indians

[Micheal Afolaranmi @TheAfolaranmi]

me having a meeting with myself to get my life together

[internet hall of fame @InternetH0F]

wait a second

[Humane @thehumanelife]

Good morning, Chennai. Keep the SOS requests coming- we are in touch with volunteers on the field who can help with Food | Relief | Rescue | Transport. Let's keep Chennai afloat, and let's do it together.
@RJVijayOfficial @paapabutterfly @KuyilM @kishendas

[Humane @thehumanelife]

DM us and we will connect you to pro-active volunteers in and across Chennai and Kancheepuram for food, relief, rescue and transport.

@srinimaama16
@proud_brown_girl @ontheground_sai