Mel Rodrigues

Chpt 1: I was born in a hot, dry land on a cold winters night . . .

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

Influencer: Look at all these calamari rings!!
Me: That's barely one squid.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

Mel? Why she wouldn't hurt a fly.

Yeah... she could never catch the fly.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

I'm sorry I was late today...I spent a good 10 minutes feeling around for my glasses that wound up being on my nose.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

I've gotten exactly one mani-pedi in my entire life. I'd say my favourite part of the experience was getting wings after.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

Everyone in my family thinks they're funny . . . but they're not. Only I'm funny.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

I will don't know whether to be flattered or offended that the parking attendant thought the badly parked Porche was mine.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

I was all smug because I was up before my alarm... Until it started ringing when i was in the middle of my shower and couldn't turn it off until i was done.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

That feeling when you watch reruns of a 20 year old TV show and realise that they had slimmer laptops than you do now.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

I heard someone say that watching his phone update had got to be the most boring pastime ever.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

You know that the thermostat needs to be adjusted when the person who mocks you for wearing a jacket indoors is now wearing two.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

I hope no one ever asks me why i come in many days covered in dog hair when i don't have a dog.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

No, no... I said controls freak.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

Note to self: The next time a hair dresser asks you what products you use, offer more than "I think my conditioner is in a pink bottle."

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

I'm still in awe of the person who sat across from me in the library last week. She had a candy bar in front of her the whole time and enough self restraint not to open it till she was done.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

I mean, maybe he was offended that i wanted to watch videos of his cat and not his skydiving ones.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

My sense of humour is evolving with time. Not forwards though.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

That feeling when you ask a stranger if you can sit at her table and then realise you both have the same packed lunch.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

Note to self: Do not crib about bitter tea all through the cup and then again when you reach the honey at the bottom.

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

Are the leftovers still left over?

[Mel Rodrigues @mel_lives_here]

I don't know if I'm really winning at life, but i won the last tug of war fight with my friends dog which makes me feel like I'm winning at life.