Mel

smell ya later

[Cohen is a ghost @skullmandible]

most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns

[Mel @melroit]

@domepiece27 Hey!!!!

[Bob Goff @bobgoff]

No one will be remembered for what they just planned to do.

[Selección Colombia @FCFSeleccionCol]

#COLCRC

Final del juego!!! Nueva victoria para nuestra Selección. 👏👏👏

COL 🇨🇴 3-1 CRC 🇨🇷

[Mel @melroit]

@stephhhira Hahahhaha I’m crying

[Mel @melroit]

Not setting an alarm to wake up because I’m a #REBEL

[ؘ @Luoufei]

if my future husband and daughter aren’t like this. im finding a new husband. https://t.co/2cVQbOaMWa

[Mel @melroit]

When the Uber driver is concerned to drop you off at your house...Ivette can literally never visit me #BuildingCharacter

[Mel @melroit]

When the Trader Joe’s handle breaks 1/10 of the way home #sohelpmeLORD

[Mel @melroit]

Nothing like a full speed Beamer honking while aimed at you to wake you TF UP ON THIS FINE TUESDAY

[Mel @melroit]

@noelle__spencer I’m upset hahahahha

[Mel @melroit]

Sh👃k

[Mel @melroit]

Divine intervention is having your fan fall on Saturday at the exact time you were boppin’ to “Uproar” in that location the night before bc your party was rescheduled.

[Mel @melroit]

Common Review at work on Wednesday? Do everything in 2 days that should’ve been done over the past 8 months? Challenge accepted.

[Josh Peck @ItsJoshPeck]

Hide your daughters and your lunch.

[Mel @melroit]

First time for everything

[Mel @melroit]

“GOOOOOD MORNIN’ mama, you make the sun shine on a rainy day” - homeless sir to me

[Mel @melroit]

Anyone else sleep in workout clothes when they’re trying to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to break a sweat?

[Josh Peck @ItsJoshPeck]

There are no free rides in life but there are free samples at Costco.