Mike Mentalpause

The glass is half-full AND half-empty. I can be in 2 places at the same time. This rabbit hole never ends @mentalpause1/exclude:replies

[Mike Mentalpause @mentalpause1]

I wish I had a particular set of skills. Mine are all random

[Damon Hunzeker @DamonHunzeker]

Five beeps is too many beeps, microwave.

[Mike Mentalpause @mentalpause1]

Billie Eilish has a perfume? What does it smell like, patchouli oil?

[you already know @DrinkingDad_2]

I tried magnet fishing and didn’t catch a single magnet

[Mike Mentalpause @mentalpause1]

You look like the type who heats up cold pizza in the morning

[Mike Mentalpause @mentalpause1]

Oh wow you have your email in your bio. Are you harvesting algorithms? Trying to be an internet wizard?

[CoCo @unhingebinge]

He's a 10 but his toe hairs grow uncontrollably thick when it's a full moon.

[Mike Mentalpause @mentalpause1]

In the battle against insect warfare, mosquitoes don't fly very high. Which is why I suggest a treehouse fort equipped with propane flame throwers. Propane is a clean source of fuel fyi

[Mike Mentalpause @mentalpause1]

Mangroves implies there are Womengroves and sign me up please

[Damon Hunzeker @DamonHunzeker]

I don’t know much about hunting wild animals, but if the world crumbles into a dystopian hellscape, I bet I could catch a few roast beefs. They don’t even have feet, at least not in any sandwich I’ve ever seen.

[Damon Hunzeker @DamonHunzeker]

I turn off every movie as soon as somebody says, “Capeesh?”

[Mike Mentalpause @mentalpause1]

I'm still pissed The Oracle (Google) knows more about shit I've studied for decades

[Julz @T0xic__AF]

i believe in love at first oh no

[Julz @T0xic__AF]

i was going to behave but then i got dressed

[Julz @T0xic__AF]

sorry i was weird it will happen again

[Julz @T0xic__AF]

I fuck with energy I don’t have to question.

[Mike Mentalpause @mentalpause1]

Think you know more than you want to about sex offenders? The Grio still aires the cosby show

[Jen @SleepEatScream]

The quicker you realize that most people will disappoint you the better off you’ll be.

[Kellalena @topaz_kell]

Are they still bad habits if I’m good at them?

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

“The only person you can depend on is yourself”

Me: *locks myself out*

[Lori @Cornjerker78]

On my deathbed:
and you can have my Charmin Forever Roll