Lab Monkey

Frustrated chemist. Generally surrounded by idiots and wibble. In dire need of a new car, a holiday and a sense of purpose.

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

Look at the state of that!
#Smokey

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

Hims a BIG boy.
#Smokey

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

Literally run around after people so much, I've fucked up my foot.
*sigh*

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

My niece is my niece. It matters not what she was born as. I love her no matter what. Stop being so narrow minded.
#Pride #Love

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

Yep.

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

Came to Cyprus as dad's not well. Turns out he's probably not going to last the week. Obviously, he didn't mention any of this because he doesn't want to cause a fuss.

#BloodyMen

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

Changed the sheets and showered last night as an attempt to get a good night's sleep. Discovered I have a parastomal hernia and one of the cats had pissed on the bed...
#FML

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

I'm officially on the list for my ileostomy reversal!

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

@KevinGShanks You don't. I have worked at one. There is no way.

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

Helping a 17 year old wash vom out of their hair is not how I thought I would see the New Year in...

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

I am officially cancer free!!

#FuckCancer

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

Well, shit...

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

Hand up if you got a new bumhole this week!

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

Fuxache...

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

I'm going in for surgery next week. I need movies/TV show/book recommendations so I don't go totally insane from boredom.

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

Six things you’re never too old for:

1. Being excited to sit on the front row at the top of a double-decker bus
2. Hopping on the back of your supermarket trolley and enjoying a little ride
3. Going up the stairs on all fours
4. Giving yourself a bubble beard in the bath
5. Eating Hula Hoops off your fingers
6. Pretending a cardboard tube is a lightsaber

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

@SoVeryBritish Red wine and coke.

[Supertanskiii @supertanskiii]

Well done to the Met for arresting Led By Donkeys because it’ll guarantee that the projection of two rapist nonces on Windsor castle, is broadcast globally.

Google the Streisand effect you Orwellian bellends.

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

I will never understand teenage girls...

[Lab Monkey @metricdust]

When did teenagers get so shit at being sneaky?

#Busted