Sam Meyerson

staying in school forever

[Sam Meyerson @meyersaurus]

My gauge for telling how drunk I am is if I can pass a @duolingo lesson or not

[Sam Meyerson @meyersaurus]

@Atamarav PLEASE I need the Donner Party LARP info

[NOT A WOLF @SICKOFWOLVES]

I LOVE APPLYING FOR JOBS

SO MANY GREAT OPTIONS

WOULD I LIKE TO BE PAID POORLY OR WOULD I LIKE TO WORK FOR SOMEONE EVIL

OH COOL THIS ONE IS BOTH

I HOLD MY DESTINY IN MY HANDS

[A bear @A_single_bear]

I often wonder when the next thing will happen. I am a bear.

[e 💫 @itsv3n3oe_png]

megan thee stallion literally changed the world with hot girl summer

[worms cited @christapeterso]

do the flat earth people think the moon is also flat

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

A Brit, almost horizontal due to the gale, with leaves, twigs and litter smashing into their face, umbrella inside-out, eyebrows blown clean from their head and half-closed eyes watering with tears fiercely whipped away by the gust, is unable to resist uttering:

“Bit windy”

[Sam Meyerson @meyersaurus]

@etc_amy this is ideal living

[Sam Meyerson @meyersaurus]

Me: you know hooters?
My husband: you mean the owl themed cafe?

[Frog and Toad Bot @FrogandToadbot]

'I will do it tomorrow,' said Toad. 'Today I will take life easy.'

[liz @anticapitalizm]

may we all go out in such spectacular fashion: a hundred years old, universally beloved, and forcing people magazine into a frenzied reprint over a holiday weekend

[. @MarisaKabas]

i didn't realize 2020 was gonna be a trilogy

[Sam Meyerson @meyersaurus]

@etc_amy I really want to reply to this like I’m a 14yo

[goblin ells @elliepeek]

the first person to ever throw up was probably like ok what the fuck

[Anna Drezen @annadrezen]

I can tell when movies use CGI birds. Hire real birds. Stop union busting. Let birds act.

[NOT A WOLF @SICKOFWOLVES]

IF THE SUN CAN START GETTING READY TO LEAVE WORK AT 3:30 THEN SO CAN I

[alexa @alexadoingstuff]

no drug in the world compares to bothering my cat

[carter hambley @carterhambley]

[about to invent yard gnomes] babe the lawn looks great. how can we get a little fucking freak in here