michaeljarch

Tweeting the thoughts in my head. 🤪😞😎🤣🙃

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

@TLKHoy @TheLovingPastor 🙌🏼🙌🏼

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

Just hear me out: If Biden called the vaccines “the Trump shot” with the same amount of enthusiasm Trump calls COVID “China Virus” there’d be a lot more people in line to get vaccinated. I mean, they did start making them under the Trump administration. 🤷🏼‍♂️ #justathought

[W. Clay Jackson, MD, DipTh @mydocjackson]

I’ve cut several thousand people open in my career. About a sixteenth of an inch down, they all look the same.

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

@TLKHoy @RyanGoodroe Hahahaha!!

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

July?! Are you kidding me? How?!

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

This kid just asked me if we could start a GoFundMe to raise money to get that crab a real casket.

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

Y’all…a hermit crab we got on vacation last year died. 😬 My 5 year old is currently crying & funeral planning. He’s gonna say a few words and I have to come up with a song, then we’ll bury him in the yard. #RIPpet #parenting #sadlittleboy #hermitcrab

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

Oh…and Poppa is currently purchasing a grave marker to put next to the dog’s spot. “Here lies Baby Crab”.

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

The fastest way to get blocked on #WordsWithFriends by me is to start a chat. Nope. Not today!! Sorry Aunt Helen. 😬

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

Being a parent to children under 6 is trying to remember the end to any movie I’ve watched in the last 6 yrs, but also wondering what the Paw Patrol is up to today in Adventure Bay.

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

I’d like to start a petition for ceiling fans in hotel rooms. Why isn’t this a thing?! #comeon

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

Can we normalize paying debts off as gifts for adults or no? Like, I don’t need a $5 DQ gift card, Aunt Becky, I need to get out from this mountain of debt. But thanks!! #idolovereceivinggiftcards #debt

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

Does anyone else get major anxiety when driving at night from their automatic brights switching on and off, or are you normal? #anxiety Stop flashing your lights at me. They’re just bright! *switches brights on, on purpose* “How you like me now, Karen?!”

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

@TLKHoy 😅

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

@TLKHoy @torben_kassler @ctankersley4

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

@TLKHoy @griffingulledge #DEAD

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

...and the Weeknd is over. 🙌🏼 #ComeOnMonday #seewhatididthere

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

🤔 I wonder what the comment section would look like under some of y’all’s names in the Lamb’s Book of Life if it was posted on social media. If it’s anything like what’s been posted related to politics, ya making the Lord nervous! Just. Hit. Delete! #zipyalip #zipyathumb #moveon

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

My 5 yr old asked me, “Daddy, what’s your favorite animal?” Me, trying to think of any animal on the planet while under pressure, “A zebra, buddy!” “A zebra? They don’t even have sharp teeth!!” #ohtheshame #carnivore #boydad

[michaeljarch @michaelarch]

What the Monday after 2 major holidays during a pandemic feels like when you work in healthcare. #HELP #drowning #gettingnowhere