Michele Dahl-Craven

Comedy Writer. DJ. Mother of Tweens. Everything my parents wanted me to be. But they’re dead so it doesn’t really matter anyway.

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

You heard it here first, folks!

[VELVEETA @CheesyVelveeta]

@micheledahl_ MOM OF THE YEAR

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

I miss the Sky Mall catalog.

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

I tried @Spotify DJ and the first 5 songs were sleep meditations… the next was The Schuyler Sisters.
If you need me, I’ll be convincing my teenagers that “I’m cool.”

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

Welcome to the annual urge to buy a new planner that you will only use once - tomorrow, you will only use it tomorrow.

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

My Apple Podcasts wrapped would be like, “Congrats you have solved 2,347 murders. We have automatically signed you up for a mental health evaluation with BetterHelp.”

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

I’m willing to bet the googling of “soup recipes” in Los Angeles is at an all-time high

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

@tjchambersLA Only reason I’m here rt now

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

@serathegamble Lessons in Chemistry was cute

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

8 am morning after Halloween, all social media: IT’S THE HOLIDAYS NOW, ASSHOLES.

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

On my way! 🤩

[Foo Fighters @foofighters]

TODAY #TAYLORHAWKINSTRIBUTE
Benefiting @MusiCares and @Musicsupport_uk
Kia Forum // Los Angeles, CA

5pm PT Doors Open
7pm PT Show Begins

🖌️: @morning_breath & @EMEKstudios

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

@strangerwriters But do you need a writer’s assistant?! 🙋🏼‍♀️

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

@jholtham Wait what?

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

Listening to @DonnieWahlberg tell me about the Amityville murders in a podcast is bringing me back to screaming “I Love You Donnie” from the nosebleeds at Giants Stadium in 1992. Lots of conflicting emotions here.

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

@aadip Yep same

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

My kid found a version of wordle where you make your own wordle. She sent me one and the answer was penis. So I guess the children really are the way of the future.

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

@DivaDelux @ashleyn1cole Yep banana clip

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

Ever make a salad so good that you’re like wow, salads CAN be great! This is delicious. I’m going to do this every day. I’m a salad person now. I’m a beacon of health, lean protein and greens.
Then you wake up the next day and you’re like, ehh fuck salads.

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

@bader_diedrich @JoshMalina This list is very vanilla. Don’t feel bad at all.

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

@MarteloHeights @CountyofLA @lapublichealth Wrong

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

@ericarhodes Right? The first guy I made out with (in a tree at a friend’s party) passed away a few months ago.

[Michele Dahl-Craven @micheledahl_]

Having a family means trying to listen to a podcast and having to pause every 6 minutes until you scream at them that YOU JUST WANT TO DO THE DISHES and then they ask you for a PB&J 6 minutes later