mattmerchant

stuntman/actor/comedian/substitute teacher/whatever pays the rent. Son/brother/uncle/lucky

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

First base is like the door at the end of Titanic. There’s room for both provided you stay on your side

[Sully Engels @sullyengels]

I know it looks Little League, but the MLB has to go to the double base at first. There’s no reason these types of plays should still be happening.

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

@aj_inapi “For decades, nobody cared who adults chose to love. Then activists decided that tolerance wasn't enough. Acceptance wasn't enough. Respect wasn't enough.” Matthew Shepard, among others, would like a word.

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

@garyboomer58 “My daughter made $292,340” would be a pretty cool thing for a supportive parent to say

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

@ClayTravis “Oh you’re a Giants fan? Name three of Lawrence Taylor’s drug charges”

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

There’s a street in Glendale called Chevy Chase Drive. Shockingly, it’s not difficult to work with at all

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

Excellent teammate move to let cooler heads prevail. Now, what visual arts genius is putting these two in a bathtub? #NBA #Playoffs

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

@stormrobinson Remember when Covid hit and people had to actually teach their own children? The cries of “teachers are heroes” was deafening. Short memory spans we got here.

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

For those who actively misinterpret the lyrics of songs, My Name Is Luka is also not a patriotic anthem.

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

@mjzangel @KingDavidFilms

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

Is it cuz she’s a beautiful black wonan? Would all these so called historians care if she was playing Medusa?

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

@anymanfitness Did you stop teaching cuz you realized you didn’t do nearly enough to be good at it ?

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

There’s a kind of doctor who’s good at giving bad news. They have the empathy yet authority to say “I’m sorry, we did all we could but your father didn’t make it.” These doctors are the ones who teach Chipotle employees how to say “there’s an additional cost for the guacamole.”

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

@Acyn Miller looks like his song choice at the Cabaret is “Tonorrow Belongs To Me”

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

@yesnicksearcy Trump gave up his salary to get points on the backend and somehow you think it’s charity

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

The only bad publicity is an obituary. The Odyssey is gonna sell a shit ton of tickets cuz weak minded people can’t stop bitching about it before it’s even been released. Kudos to Christopher Nolan’s PR team! Make that loot y’all! #TheOdyssey

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

He’d make a great Hermes or Heracles

[Eve @jemapelleeve]

From a Greek , Go fuck yourselves . We aren’t black and if Lupita can walk away from a role because it didn’t “properly represent African culture” and throw a fit over wakanda then we are allowed to want our Greek culture properly represented. 🖕 to Nola and Lupita

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

People keep acting like The Colbert Report wasn’t a thing that was pretty damn successful

[John Ziegler @Zigmanfreud]

No one in the news media has mentioned this, but if Stephen Colbert was really being fired for political reasons, then his show should be very attractive for someone else to pick up, or for him to do on his own on YouTube.

Why isn’t that happening? Because it would lose money and none of these celebrity guests who have been kissing his ass would keep coming on a show with an even smaller audience.

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

Remember when everyone had to teach their kids at home and suddenly realized how hard they work? Called em heroes? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Oh yeah, they also get shot protecting your kids.

[🏴‍☠️Kentucky Rebel Scum🏴‍☠️ @BonafideKRS]

Full benefits, works 9 months per year. Zero accountability for poor performance. Protected by a union.

I’m not sympathetic. Sorry

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

I just had a carrier pigeon deliver the news that he enjoyed my callback but casting has gone in a different direction on the next Christopher Nolan film.

[mattmerchant @midmerch]

@thedaywar90 Guessing you bought a Let’s Go Brandon shirt.