Mike Feimster

Software developer. Book reader. Music listener. Sports watcher. Recovering Libertarian. Former Damn Yankee.

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

What the ever-loving fuck? https://t.co/Pr5JEmSFRe

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

@GolfTravelerJoe Lorenzo Charles' dunk to beat Houston in the '83 NCAA finals

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

Vini Jr on the left, Saka on the right, and who cares in the middle.

[David Ornstein @David_Ornstein]

🚨 EXCL: Arsenal exploring move to sign Vinicius Junior from Real Madrid. #AFC interest early stage + clubs not yet in talks but idea approved at all levels. Much rests on contract process as no breakthrough yet & #RMFC do not want free exit @TheAthleticFC https://t.co/qYdS5vlfE6

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

Holy shit @FOXSports.! Why are you talking over this! Shut up!

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

This game is gonna have one helluva hangover tomorrow

[Columbus Dispatch @DispatchAlerts]

Opinion: Permanent daylight saving time would hurt the Buckeye State | Opinion https://t.co/h7fmkkAjhJ

[Ryan Fitz @CatholicFitz]

Good time to repost this. It didn't have to end this way.

[The Halfway Post @HalfwayPost]

BREAKING: Pete Hegseth is making his erectile dysfunction problem the entire military’s problem.

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

O-H!

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I left Alabama. I am in Georgia now.

At 3 a.m. I saw a yellow sign glowing beside the highway.

Waffle House.

I went in. The parking lot was full. At 3 a.m.

I asked the waitress when they close.

She looked at me the way you look at a child who has asked when gravity ends.

She said, "We don't close, baby."

Two things happened in that sentence.

One: I learned Waffle House has never closed. Not at night. Not on Christmas. Not during hurricanes.

Two: she called me "baby."

I am a grown man. I have a mortgage. It repaired something in me I did not know was broken.

I ordered hash browns.

She said, "Scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, diced, peppered, capped, or topped?"

I did not understand a single word in that sentence.

I said, "Yes."

She nodded and wrote it down. Apparently that was a correct answer.

Then I learned something, and I need you to know I did not invent this.

The United States government measures the strength of hurricanes by whether the Waffle House is open.

Open: the storm is fine.

Limited menu: the storm is serious.

Closed: evacuate. It is over.

This is called the Waffle House Index. FEMA uses it. FEMA. The disaster agency.

Japan built earthquake satellites. America watches a diner.

Both systems work.

At 3 a.m., the Waffle House contained: two truck drivers. A nurse still in scrubs. Four teenagers in prom clothes. One man who had clearly made several mistakes that evening. And one Japanese man with a notebook.

Nobody asked anybody why they were there.

At Waffle House, being there is the answer.

Then a man at the counter noticed my Alabama shirt. It was a gift. Long story.

He did not speak. He pointed at the shirt and shook his head slowly, the way you correct someone in church.

Then he said, quietly: "Go Dawgs."

I panicked and used the only word I own.

"Roll Tide."

Every fork in the building stopped.

The cook looked up from the eggs.

The waitress said, "Baby, no."

I understand now. Every state here has its own word. My word is from one state ago.

The man bought my waffle anyway.

He said, and I am quoting him exactly: "You didn't know. Bless your heart."

I have been told that phrase has two meanings.

I believe I received the gentle one.

I believe.

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

@seanb_us But Norway didn't have to play against Haaland and Odegaard.

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

@arse2mouse He clearly like Odegaard. Maybe Arsenal's in the cards

[Tim Ryan @TimRyan]

This is freaking unbelievable! You have to watch this. Really captures the best of who we are! And why sports is so important to our culture.

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

This might be the NHL tweet of the year.

[Columbus Blue Jackets @BlueJacketsNHL]

Now, if you'll just look right here...

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

Narrator: There was, in fact, a hydration break.

[Men in Blazers @MenInBlazers]

NO HYDRATION BREAKS TONIGHT 👀

The storm-delayed Mexico-Ecuador match will NOT include hydration breaks.

FIFA officials said they implemented mandatory pauses in the first and second half of World Cup matches to “(prioritize) player safety” amid North America’s hot summer conditions, even though not every match is played outdoors. The governing body and broadcasters have faced criticism for, among other things, airing advertisements during the breaks and halting the momentum of matches.

[Julio (Ontario Peach Enthusiast) @JulioHashem]

Sources: The newly reunited Tkachuk brothers will both wear TKACHUK on the back of their jerseys, instead of M. TKACHUK and B. TKACHUK. Those close to the situation say it doesn’t really matter because neither of them can read.

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

@RCorySmith @247Sports @MichaelClark247 @TomLoy247 @Charlie_Grib @s_t_editz On the one hand he keeps beating Carolina. On the other hand, seems like all he can really do is beat Carolina.

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

@GolfTravelerJoe Live in Ohio. Need I sau more.

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

@MenInBlazers

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

@arse2mouse At City, he'd have been just another great player on a loaded squad. At Arsenal? Legend!

[Mike Feimster @mikefeimster]

@RV_ETSports Are you saying that wasn't a foul? If you can't use VAR to make that call, why bother having it?