OedipusShreks

Looking forward to some quality father son time with my dad Saturn

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

My girlfriend’s so pretty she’d be the dead woman in a David Lynch movie

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

@jblacksomething What about the anima from Exhuma!

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

You have to imagine sisyphus as hungry

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

I bought IBS stock and it went straight in the toilet

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

@brockomole Cabbage gang unite

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

Inflation a killer even my sex doll can’t keep up

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

I’m the Michael Jordan of gambling and being good at Basketball

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

Me, a baby, ordering at a steakhouse,

“And could you immersion blend the porterhouse?”

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

All these Letterboxd wraps point to an end to the Siskel year

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

“Paw Patrol! We’re ready for action, no job too big, no errand too small, what do need?”

“I want you to fuck my wife”

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

Swiss miss face masks have done wonders for my complexion

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

All my husky girls getting ate below

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

Bought a sundial… he still doesn’t reach out

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

Give me a castle on a hill, covered in cobwebs, with three queens that thirst for blood, and a lifelong friend that can’t stop eating mice

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

My show me the body shirt is a huge hit at the hospital

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

"Mr. Bean - Tear down this wall!"

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

Can someone come over and calibrate my bidet

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

@WorldCinemania I can’t find a good version of this online. It was on shudder for a bit, with pretty bad quality.

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

Yes hello, there’s a man outside eating my garbage and he has terrible posture

[OedipusShreks @mindofschwartz]

The Goblin Suspiria soundtrack makes me want to steal lawn signs and bathe in milk