Parody David Miscabbage

All Satire: #Scientology "Super Powers" are real, I've been using them for years to hide my wife Shelly. Follow me for more relationship tips.

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

I’m not famous but I’m pretty sure a few therapists know my full name

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@nypost It’s because he’s gay

Scientology any even fix that

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

For 29,999.00 we can teach your ape to ask questions. We have courses specifically designed just for this.

We ask that you wean them from any anti depressants two weeks prior to courses.

[Anish Moonka @anishmoonka]

In the 1970s, David Premack wondered if a chimpanzee could be taught to ask a question. He taught Sarah 130 plastic word-tokens. She answered his questions easily. After years of work, she had never asked one of her own. Sixty years later, no signing ape has.

A four-year-old human asks about 25 questions an hour. Paul Harris at Harvard counted them: kids ask their parents around 40,000 questions between ages two and five.

Premack even worked out a method for teaching an ape to ask. Hide a snack the chimp expects. Wait for her to sign "where is it." He never bothered running it on Sarah. She spent her sessions answering his questions, never asking her own. A normal kid, he pointed out, asks "what that? who making noise? when Daddy come home?" on a loop.

Washoe the chimpanzee, the first one taught American Sign Language, knew 250 signs. She could request food. She could sign her name. She once saw a swan and called it "water bird," a sharp invention for an animal she had no sign for. She never asked what the swan was, or where it came from, or anything else.

Koko the gorilla knew about 1,000 signs. Kanzi the bonobo understands more than 3,000 spoken English words. Nim Chimpsky, Herbert Terrace's chimp at Columbia (named to mock the linguist Noam Chomsky), strung 125 signs into more than 20,000 combinations. His longest stretch was "give orange me give eat orange me eat orange give me eat orange give me you." He never asked a thing.

Joseph Jordania, a researcher in Melbourne, thinks this is the line between us and them. To ask a question, you first have to know that the person across from you knows something you don't. Apes do not seem to get to that step, even after a lifetime of being talked at by humans.

Human kids cross that line around their fourth birthday. Apes never do.

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@PGAuthority @alphafox It’s a cult

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@Polymarket All hail Xenu
👀

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@CassandraRules On behalf of myself & Tom Cruise, we applaud you using the correct term little People.

Thank you.

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@Polymarket Tom Cruise & myself highly object to the term dwarf. We prefer the term little people.

Get it right.

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@MorganBarrettX https://t.co/J6qDoM7MXC

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

I think a person should always spread it around.
A few weeks ago I was at the mall and found a wad of cash that amounted to 500 bucks. As I was exiting the mall, waiting for uber, I came across a young mother and baby. The mom was crying and telling whoever she was on the phone with she had lost her cash. I peeled off a 20.00 and gave it to her. Whenever I’m blessed, I always spread it around.

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@Polymarket I’m sure that’s against fire code

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@lucyshow11 Shakeys pizza

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@MrImranPk 8pm.

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

😳

[Jayroo @jayroo69]

After Trumps Truth Social Post this AM, the whole world is like: 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

As an introvert, whenever I took a new position at a company I would text all of my work colleagues and ask to borrow a small amount of money, which I truly do not need

Within weeks this pleasantly evolved into my coworkers completely avoiding me, no invites to off time company functions & events, softball leagues, bowling teams etc.

Follow me for more life hacks.

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

It seems to me that “Journalists” are all running off the WWE playbook.
👀

[Megyn Kelly @megynkelly]

You’re so fucking stupid and dishonest, it’s amazing anyone listens to you. Honestly - get help.

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@ShooterMcGavin @NUCLRGOLF @KingJames

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@newstart_2024 Gary Breka is a wanna be MD & total quack. Flash in the pan scamologist

He partnered with 10X (Grant Cardone) and all the other propagandists from Scientology & then got his ass handed to him. Lay with dogs & you wake up with fleas

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@dxwoodworks @GovPritzker Cow sized….I like that

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@GavinNewsom @DeniseMcCaffer1 What do you say about being called a Cuck.

Genuinely curious.

[Parody David Miscabbage @miscabbaged]

@GavinNewsom Says the guy that let Harvey Weinstein have a turn with his wife.