Lucky Monday

I'll let you live if you let this die.
🏳️‍🌈 💗💜💙

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

An absolute stranger just told me, "you dance like you're the main character in your life", and fuck me is that the best compliment that I will ever receive in my entire life

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

@catty_a87 Apparently the woman I met later on that night and have arranged to meet up with was better looking, but as I don't remember any of that happening, I have to take Daniel's word for it

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

When your night gets off to a weird start but then the most beautiful person that even lived is out.....never gonna pull anyone so hot that I get high-fived by multiple people coz of it tbh

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

Barely remember leaving the house last night, let alone getting home again, in case anyone was wondering if I'd yet reached an age where I don't make stupid decisions.

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

I've been calling out to God but she's not saying a lot

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

Someone who I love a lot just posted a story with "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor" unironically and i am legitimately reconsidering our friendship

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

Still isn't fixed. But I enjoy chatting to each emergency engineer who parks outside my house who insists this time will be the one where someone will actually come and fix it.
(Tbh let the gas leak forever rather than my front garden being ripped to shreds to fix it)

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

After 6 years (at least) someone may or may not be coming to deal with the gas leak outside my building in the near future!
Not holding my breath...which I probably should, on account of all the leaking gas

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

I swear to god I've given more consideration to getting a dog in the past few days than most people give to having a human child

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

It's increasingly difficult not to respond to anyone who has had/is planning to have a child in this century with "why are you a sadistic narcissist".
Seriously though, why are you bringing something into the world that will only ever know suffering unless you are 100% cunt

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

You ever get home from a night out, look at yourself in th mirror and wonder how in the absolute fuck you managed to pull more than one person. Like, I actually even spoke to one of them?! 🤣

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

@20thcenturymarc Your life makes me sad

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

"you're worth paying for trains" is close to replacing the best compliment I ever got in my life

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

@20thcenturymarc In all aspects of your life to be fucking fair

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

@20thcenturymarc Only the bad ones sound the same. You need some quality control.

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

Cis-het male: that's a lot of drinks you're buying, did you lose a bet?!
Me:....nah mate, I inadvertently earn a lot of money, my friends don't, and I don't believe in capitalism, so drinks for people I like, ALWAYS

Literally fuck (not literally) men in lumberjack shirts

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

I *hate* pictures of me, but tbf I don't even know how to work filters, so at least the pictures of me I hate actually look me irl

[Lucky Monday @miss_kts]

Alexa, how do you politely ask the most beautiful person in the world if they've broken up with their dickhead boyfriend yet

[The Weirdling @The_Weirdling]

Meh. Demons are better than the loneliness of no one.

[The Weirdling @The_Weirdling]

Dating profile level: Dreamgirl

[RopesToInfinity @RopesToInfinity]

Incredible that "Why should [profession] go on strike? My job sucks and pays like shit but I never complain!" is a wildly popular and respected opinion in this country

[Andrew O’Neill ♃ @destructo9000]

Hello promoters! Please book me for your gigs! Thank you! (I have some really good jokes and skits and that.)