THE Manda

Dont call me Mandy! Getting shit done is what I do.

[THE Manda @MissAmanda70]

Stretch marks- natures way of saying "you may have lost weight, but I own you bitch!"

[Wholesome Side of 𝕏 @itsme_urstruly]

I wonder if any medieval peasants stayed awake at night replaying awkward conversations

Just lying there in the dark thinking, “I was weird at the well”

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

I saw the first one but Pandemic 2 looks stupid.

[THE Manda @MissAmanda70]

Wanna spend the rest of the day cleaning the kitchen? Teach your 14 yo son to cook pancakes

[THE Manda @MissAmanda70]

Up until this morning we were led to believe our oil came from O.S and the “fuel crisis” was a result of war.
All of a sudden one of the only two oil refineries in Aus. goes up in a fireball and they’re talking rationing of petrol.
We are being conned and we are getting robbed

[Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom]

There are too many emails. Too many texts. Too many accounts. Too many logins. Too many apps. Too many rewards programs. Too many fundraisers. Too many appointments. Too many virtual meetings. Too many newsletters. Too many forms. Too many social media platforms. My brain hurts.

[THE Manda @MissAmanda70]

Let’s face it Australia, they’ve found a way to stop us whinging about the pot holes and they clearly don’t want us driving petrol cars any more.
A bit of transparency from the gov. would be nice.

[Myshkin Returns @MyshkinBanned]

My washing machine:

"To open the door mid cycle would be to unleash such terrors upon the world that I must forbid it!"

My dishwasher:

"No idea, mate. Fuck it, what's the worst that could happen?"

[THE Manda @MissAmanda70]

Just saw a flock of birds attack a drone hovering above a neighbours property. Nature is beautiful

[LowBudgetMuthafucka @LowBudgetMofo]

We need a nightly news guy who comes on at 6:30 just shaking his head saying "I don't even know where to start"

[ً @prinkasusa]

Men will be like, “women just aren’t good leaders,” and then call their wives 9 times from the grocery store because they can’t find the items on the list *she* made.

But sure, women can’t handle leadership.

[Granite Man 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @GraniteDhuine]

I'll be honest, there’s at least one mean bone in my body.

[THE Manda @MissAmanda70]

Wouldn’t it make more sense if Bluey was the red one?

[THE Manda @MissAmanda70]

@CruisinSoozan Refuse as soon as you go in and if you’re lucky they’ll put it off until next time. I hates it too so only have to do it every second time.

[THE Manda @MissAmanda70]

@johnloeber Transistor radio, they took batteries

[THE Manda @MissAmanda70]

@citizenkawala Tomato for sure

[THE Manda @MissAmanda70]

@MsRedWriting Spray with WD40 and wait a couple of minutes

[Marcmywords @Marcmywords2]

My timeline is just a collection of people you’d never put on speakerphone.

[Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom]

Me: *falling asleep*

My Brain: ok let’s see, do you want me to play a loop of big, scary financial stuff, big, scary medical stuff, or would you prefer I just put you directly into a state of existential dread?

[THE Manda @MissAmanda70]

@gomichild @PointerTuck Only bad pies need sauce, if a pie is good it doesn’t need it.

[Benny 'Sensible Jeans' Rollins @citizenkawala]

Ahhh, fish. The vegetable of meat.