Mike

Follow me, everything is alright--but I will NOT be the one to tuck you in at night.

[Mike @mkbart]

@MatthewBerryTMR Etienned It Doesn't Even Matter #FantasyLife

[Mike @mkbart]

@matuzalem @Bageloid @Ask_Spectrum Same here 10026

[DayBreak® @DayBreakTowels]

RT this if you'd rather eat paper towels than Miracle Whip

[Jon Perry @itsmejonperry]

it is better to be feared than to be loved, especially if you work in a haunted house

[Mike @mkbart]

@dinfontay damn, ok. Address?

[Mike @mkbart]

@dinfontay wow you just owned me. ive been owned

[Mike @mkbart]

@dinfontay you won't

[Mike @mkbart]

a vote for anyone else is a vote against yourself. write your own name down in 2016!

[Mike @mkbart]

@heyitsmeyonboy @verizon ;)

[Mike @mkbart]

VERY handy guide from an expert in the field--The Four Pins Guide To Dying In A Crowded Room http://t.co/zo6MlceRdC

[Mike @mkbart]

@dinfontay give them a YouTube blog and $750,000 to talk about your brand

[Mike @mkbart]

The funniest part of tonight's Oscars is imagining Wes Anderson and Clint Eastwood having a conversation.

[Mike @mkbart]

@tbsveryfunny would it help if you call it amir and jake? just get them on tv! #GreenlightJakeAndAmir

[luke [from online] @internetluke]

*sees New Balance 609s hanging on wire*
"Gangs?"
Worse.. Dads.
"I'm scared"
*hears faint "hi scared, I'm dad" echoing through neighborhood*

[Mike @mkbart]

@dinfontay you look like Terry Richardson's brother who works in IT decided to see if he had any of the family magic

[Mike @mkbart]

Don't have an iPhone, but want to support all my friends who've experienced the horror of receiving free music. Stay strong.

[Mike @mkbart]

Nation riots after sequel to Once is titled Once 2.

[Mike @mkbart]

@dinfontay they used to be half full, but now the bag's just soaked :/

[Mike @mkbart]

@dinfontay glass half full--you own enough things to require a bag

[Mike @mkbart]

@3rdLt @dinfontay I threw my coffee down, yelled "BENGHAZI" and ran out the door.