Mary

What it is.

[Red Sox @RedSox]

For Wake.

[Khalid El Khatib @kmelkhat]

Weather app: Rain expected for the next 6.5 hours.

Me:

[Mary @mlanemartinez]

@mattyshaw14 Battery life is criminal

[Mary @mlanemartinez]

@mkgoodie

[Reductress @Reductress]

Frugal Queen! Woman Who Spent Entire Paycheck at Sephora Didn't Stop for Little Treat on Way Home: https://t.co/WRdCmnJY4l

[jay @kendallhosseini]

guys– succession isn’t over– it’ll be back after the music is over– they haven’t told us how kendall is going to cope with his life moving forward- guys https://t.co/xA7JEN5lng

[Reductress @Reductress]

How to Open Up to Someone Even Though They Aren’t Drew Barrymore: https://t.co/Ys89eZcenL

[Jada 😏 @squiliamfancy]

RIP Jerry Springer. He was there every sick day growing up

[Mary @mlanemartinez]

when the sun finally feels warm and there’s a lil breeze coming in the open window

[BU Men's Hockey @TerrierHockey]

RAISE THAT TROPHY BOYS!

[Kids Write Jokes @KidsWriteJokes]

Why did the monkey go to school?

Because monkeys don’t know anything

[Mary @mlanemartinez]

Crying-induced broken blood vessels around my eyes is cosplaying those cutesy smattering of freckles across the bridge of your nose.

[Mary @mlanemartinez]

@frizzfrizzfrizz (ily queen)

[Mary @mlanemartinez]

Surely what will be the end for us all is the unwavering faith we put in doing just a little “rinsie rinse”to our water bottles and coffee mugs.

[Mary @mlanemartinez]

@ItIsSoUnclear THIS. This is the type of innovative thinking we need.

[Mary @mlanemartinez]

Humans should really evolve to have shark-like regenerating teeth.

(Dentists hate this one trick.)

[Mary @mlanemartinez]

There’s no excuse for crusty elbows. 💪