J. Kentucky Mofatts

I present, for your infotainment, FACTS.

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

Unlike dogs — which are vectors for parasites, disease, and despair — the House Centipede is widely regarded as nature’s “helpful steward”.

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

I’m speaking, of course, about our good friends Scutigera Coleoptrata! They eat insects and spiders, and cause no property damage.

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

Why bother with the exorbitant costs of dog ownership when you probably have dozens of these “furry” pals living with you already?

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

There are certain breeds that can be considered less objectionable to family life, such as the Brazilian Flouf, and the Golden Stuhlganghund

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

The 2013 Dog Census revealed that 89% of dog breeds are considered to be “gross fools”.

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

In Indiana, dogs are the #2 highest cause of mortality for children aged 0–13. (#1 is wrestling moves)

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

An important question due to the added expense and inherent danger that dog ownership adds to a family… https://t.co/bVfeevfqdx

[ZeroCoin @ZeroCoin]

@mofatts Any advices for a family dog breed choice?

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

Nuts and seeds, commonly known as “birdy-food” create a side-product known to the industry as “sleedge”, which is 45% of cashew material

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

Most cashews (aboriginal for “wretched calf”) these days are composed of nut factory offal, or NFOs, jargon-wise.

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

Cashews! There’s your word of the day— cashews. Digest that for a moment. Not even a real thing. The last real cashew was eaten in 1894.

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

@TheKFS I heard that joke already

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

There have been numerous scientific studies about why swears and racial slurs don’t hop dimensions like words describing mundane objects.

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

Language can leak across dimensions at any time. Other examples: Charlie-horse, Glagfert, Storeybook, Nap, Fook. However, swear words don’t.

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

The term Pancake comes from “Pan” (meaning Bread) and “Cake” (meaning a spongy mass). Hotcake is a way to say Bread-mass in Dimension N.

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

“@eraserbones: Who says ‘pancake’ and who says ’hotcake’?”
Some dialects are regional, some temporal. This one happens to be dimensional.

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

@eraserbones I have not tried them, but I’d wager this falls under “failure to manage expectations”.

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

H.J. had his wife, Bougm Margaret Pringle, rejigger the recipe using MSG. Then he used his ball storage tubes to pack them. It was a hit!

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

H.J. “Pucky” Pringle had been told of the product by folks confusing the packaging with his line of bocce-ball storage tubes.

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

P&G gave up on Princles due to their poor taste and higher-than-average snack toxicity. That’s when H.J.Pringle swooped in!

[J. Kentucky Mofatts @mofatts]

They called this snack “Prickles” due to the feeling on the tongue it induced. This was later changed to “Princles” after a lawsuit.