Sad news. I broke up with my girlfriend Loraine.
She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee.
Good news though, I can see Claire Lee now, Loraine is gone.
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
A realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs and she told me to press one. So I did...and woke up on the floor.