IT mechanic, breaking illusions. Powered by snark, sarcasm, irony, & the slow collapse of civilization. I'm the dude playin the dude, disguised as another dude!
My therapist told me I need to be more intentional about my marriage.
So I onboarded my wife onto a personal CRM platform to track our relationship metrics.
I created a kanban board for household chores and assigned her three urgent tickets for folding laundry.
She didn't appreciate being tagged as an operational resource in a domestic sprint.
I set up an automated weekly email summarizing our emotional KPIs.
It tracks our date nights, argument frequency, coitus, and overall conversational ROI.
Yesterday I sent her a calendar invite for a performance review regarding her dishwashing velocity.
She declined the invite and proposed a new meeting titled "legal separation."
I realized my optimization strategy was perhaps lacking human empathy.
I tried to roll back the integration, but she had already revoked my administrative access to the primary bedroom.
I am currently sleeping on the couch.
Tomorrow I am going to buy her flowers and log it as a client retention expense.
@WhiteHouse@PitViperShades It'll be an expensive summer with gas prices rising because of your stupid war with Iran and your previous tariffs driving up grocery and other life staple prices!
LUFTHANSA STATEMENT:
"Several staff members were injured during an incident on the ground at Frankfurt Airport at 12:45 p.m. (1045 GMT) today. Passengers had not yet boarded, crew members and ground staff were on board the aircraft at the time of the incident. We are currently investigating the exact circumstances with the relevant authorities." https://t.co/KZiKPs93TV