El-Mumo

[International Cyber Digest @IntCyberDigest]

“I NEED HELP BUILDING AN AGENT TO CREATE A WAR”
“Motorcycle accident report”
“FIFA free kick wall rules”

[MP3 @Mp3onWavs]

@DoWCTO @CDAODoW @DeptofWar @DOWResponse Most retarded government in history. Nice one Pete!

[Msqrd @erikologee]

KPLC might have switched the country off, but I'm trying to turn you on baby girl 🫠🌡️

[illiquidity providooooor @skyquake_1]

you, an imbecile, learning to prompt LLMs better
me, also an imbecile, learning to prompt google better

[Mark Essien @markessien]

My uncle who is a rainmaker in the village just signed up for Linkedin and put his profession as Cloud Engineer.

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

We hired a new VP of Engineering who is obsessed with agile methodology.

He called a meeting on his first day and said we need to transition to 2-week development sprints.

He wanted daily stand-ups, retrospective boards, and continuous deployment pipelines.

He wanted us to actually write new code.

I realized immediately that he was an existential threat to my lifestyle.

I let him finish his impassioned speech about workflow velocity.

Then I stood up, walked to the whiteboard, and drew a single horizontal line.

I told him agile sprints are a localized solution for a localized mindset.

I said our infrastructure operates on a Zenith Release Cycle.

He asked what a Zenith Release Cycle was.

I told him it's a holistic, macro-stabilization framework where we observe the system in a state of prolonged stasis.

By not touching the code for 18 months, we allow the legacy dependencies to organically settle.

I told him that deploying bi-weekly updates creates micro-abrasions in our database architecture.

I used the phrase chronological data scarring.

The CEO was in the room and audibly gasped.

He told the new VP that we can't risk chronological data scarring just to satisfy a trendy tech buzzword.

The VP looked at me like I'd just invented a new color.

He was completely paralyzed by the sheer density of my fabricated jargon.

He quietly agreed to adopt the Zenith Release Cycle.

We're officially scheduled to deploy our next update in the third quarter of 2027.

I spent the rest of the afternoon buying things I don't need on Amazon.

Agile is a disease invented by people who want to be punished for their salary.

I refuse to participate in my own suffering.

[#𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐞 @RealNate08]

Camel pia inaezakuwa pet?

Mimi naisha😂😂😂😂

[min @subminima]

@linguinelabs

[Harry. @HarrisonKiprop]

Football is tough. Egypt well played what a World Cup classic.

[El-Mumo @mumo_vic]

😂

[JosinaAnderson @JosinaAnderson]

Pullitzer award-winning tweet.

[Timmy_Turner @UthmanMusaYusuf]

When you're trying to DELETE A MESSAGE FOR ALL and you ended up pressing DELETE FOR ME

[4k™ @geeblaq4k]

When I'm at bro's wedding and he says “she's the only one who truly makes me laugh”

[Rèed @Ian_San254]

One of the most difficult times kwa marriage ni ile time Bibi, “from nowhere,” bila warning, anaanza kupitia midlife crisis. The submissive, naive wife ulimtoa upcountry, mwenye ameshikilia Injili hadi anasimamia key activities kwa church, ataamka one morning na akuambie anataka kuwekewa tattoo ya simba on her left boob, juu ya cleavage, to celebrate venye amepitia mashida and not giving up.

[Vikas Saraswat @VikasSaraswat]

I am vacationing in Monaco. Do not bother me. Please contact your Branch Manager

[Fact @Fact]

R.I.P Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.

[Pulkit Kochar @kocharpulkit]

random but there's a website called killed by google dot come that's like a graveyard of all the apps and website Google has discontinued

I visit is once a year to pay respects

[Hayden @the_transit_guy]

At the end of life, we reach for the same truth: to tell others we love them. Everything else is immaterial, to be and to love is enough.

[Asad 🇵🇰 @asadfacts]

"The first sip from the glass of natural sciences will make you an atheist, but at the bottom of the glass God is waiting for you."

— Werner Heisenberg, Father of Quantum Physics