Matt Musselman

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

@adamgreattweet Rewrite a tweet with one letter

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

(Doing a little experiment based on something I saw online.)

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

Where's my "Because it's a fraudulent AI image rather than an honest photo of their product/food" category?

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

@jennifercarolyn We Jennifers+Jessicas and Matts made up roughly half of every school class I ever attended, but managed to dodge this bullet together. I feel equally relieved and proud.

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

@a_real_society @MochiScreenTime There's a very difficult members only online trivia organization called LearnedLeague that I've been doing for about 6 months, and it's pushing all the right quiz question and ranking stats buttons for me.

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

@RCAnnaKate "But you don't really care for safety, do ya?"

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

I get that it’s easier to just text me when my table is ready, but when that coaster used to light up red and start to vibrate, man what a thrill.

[Mother Of Sarcasm @SarcasmMother]

You have the same amount of gold medals as almost every one who’s been in the Olympics.

[Brandy Bryant 🏳️‍⚧️ @InkMasterbator]

If you see your trans friends screaming to the top of their lungs how bad what is coming is and still think you can vote for someone who will outlaw their existence then you don't have a trans friend, you just know a trans person.

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

@Michelle2000 @thisone0verhere Sounds like a hiring issue to me :)

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

I used to think I was only a slightly-above-average judge of character. Then I learned how abysmal 90% of humanity is at that skill.

[Jonathan Edward Durham @thisone0verhere]

One good thing about self-checkout is that it never asks me what kind of party I’m having when I ring up $115 worth of cheese. I’m having an “I’m an adult and nobody can tell me how much cheese to buy” party and it’s gonna be AWESOME.

[Corn ✧⍣ @cornski]

not a single soul has said 2024 gon be their year yall finally learned yall lesson i see

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

Every post-apocalyptic survival movie with a scene where a man teaches a woman to use a gun for the first time should follow with a scene of the woman teaching the man to set up a sewing machine for the first time, including all his tears and screams of "I'll never get this!"

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

@21stcenturysahm It makes me sad that a screenshot of this went semi-viral online, but your original tweet only had 8 likes. Here's another like from me at least. I found it hilarious. :)

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

JPEG should be pronounced JoyFeg not JayPeg because the acronym stands for Joint Photographic, not Jaint Potographic

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

@AutisticCallum_ Yeah my entire work existence is punctuated by people telling me they don't like my answer and me saying "Well it's true. Would you prefer something happy but false?"

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

@j_mcelroy Same

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

@cogno I'll take one if you've still got one!

[Matt Musselman @mussels]

So let me get this straight. It's "cancel culture" to merely criticize a song that glamorizes small towns where you can allegedly assault or murder anyone you disagree with, but it's NOT cancel culture to assault or murder anyone you disagree with. Make it make sense.