The Replacement

I think I know what to do.

[The Replacement @mutateddecimal]

Office colleagues: All the girls only talk to you, Shiraz. What’s the secret?
Me: Their eyes are not below the neckline, lads. Try looking into their eyes when you talk.

[The Replacement @mutateddecimal]

Never understood these types of couples.

[The Replacement @mutateddecimal]

Boss, applying for a Jordanian Visa online on behalf of his wife: “This POS website won’t let me apply and the wife insists on going and won’t take no for an answer!”
Me: do it in front of your wife, so she’ll know you tried.
Boss: No, she’ll say I’m doing it wrong on purpose!

[The Replacement @mutateddecimal]

Hamarey haan to gas hi nahi hoti at 3 AM 😂 - waisay on a serious note, begum agar pura din kaam kar ke raat me so rahi hoti hai to uthaney ka dil bhi nahi karta. Aisay hi so jaata hu.

[Waqar Said @WaqarSaid457]

@quindz_ This is the most beautiful video I have ever watched

[The Replacement @mutateddecimal]

@wolfgang_027 Loved? Or loves? Is it over?

[Pundamentalism @Pundamentalism]

BREAKING: Man arrested by police for impersonating a painting claims he was framed.

[The Replacement @mutateddecimal]

Now THAT'S a pickup line.

[Adarsh Pandey @Eemis_]

@suu_shi_ If you sneezed I would have said God bless you but looks like God already did

[The Replacement @mutateddecimal]

The appeal sounds rather rehearsed and more of a documentary exercise as opposed to a heartfelt appeal.

[Rishi Suri @rishi_suri]

Afghan activist, Zarifa Ghafari making an appeal to the international community at the World Forum for Democracy being held yesterday at #Paris. She has included the aspect of Afghan Refugees being left at the mercy of Pakistani forces may lead to a larger catastrophe. #Pakistan #Afghanistan #AfghanRefugees @TheDailyMilap @MilapNN @coe #WorldForumforDemocracy

[The Replacement @mutateddecimal]

Was watching my 5 year old trying to take off his trousers for a minute. It was both exasperating and hilarious.

I'm the worst kind of parent, according to the missus.

[The Replacement @mutateddecimal]

Recently bought a Sharp Aquos Zero 5G Basic (long name, yes?) for the Mrs based solely on a friend's recommendation so I decided to Google for reviews. Turns out there are a ton of them made by Pakistani mobile salesmen and the over the top enthusiasm is making me puke.

[Disgruntled Cyber Warrior @lilmisskhawaja]

Dad's having some issues with his phone that can only be fixed by a factory reset. When I told him he looked so upset and asked...Pakistan mein pata nai kidher hogi inki factory?

😭😭😭😭😭

[The Crypto woman @cryptowomanweb3]

Some of us are no longer good at anything. A failure in academics, in personal life, life in general. We keep trying, but things don’t work out, and so We just stare at the walls built around us, caving in, waiting for the breaking point to arrive.

[The Replacement @mutateddecimal]

Orgasms. Which is also why porn stars are considered extremely religious people.

[The Replacement @mutateddecimal]

Absolutely! NO!

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

No.

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

No.

[star 💫 @stxrinsky]

keep it going lol

[The Replacement @mutateddecimal]

Subordinate: I'm getting a new car, boss.
Me: Cool, what are you getting?
Sub: A Suzuki Alto VXL AGS. Btw, what do you drive, boss?
Me: A 1982 Toyota Corolla SE.
Sub: You earn thrice as much as I do. Can't you afford something a bit more modern?