Madeline Muth

[SZA @sza]

Im sad I miss home .

[Hank @HankMuth]

Got invited to a special event ... only to be told that they don't make tuxedos my size ... and now ... I'm home alone ... again. 😢

(OK. I wasn't invited anywhere. I just wanted to point out that IF I was I'd have nothing to wear, damn it !!!)

[Madeline Muth @muth_madeline]

@HankMuth will do, buddy 😊

[Hank @HankMuth]

Seeing how I currently weigh three to four times as much as I did in this photo from my youth, is it possible that my peeps laced my kibble with creatine and PGH (Puppy Growth Hormone) to get me Olympian weightlifter "swole" ?!?

I'm a wee bit suspicious. 🤔

#ThrowbackThursday

[Hank @HankMuth]

Stella just informed me that she and her friends from the dog park are going to attempt to "cancel" me because I "fat-shamed" her ..... after I caught her playing with MY toys (pictuted) this morning and called her chunky.

Good luck with that, Stella !!!!
Good luck !!!

🤣😅😭

[Hank @HankMuth]

This is ridiculous.
How many times do I have to apologize, Stella ?!?
It was a joke !!!!
As you can tell, I blew off those sensitivity training classes.
I'll do better.
I promise.

Now let me in the house, you spiteful woman !!! 😤

#FridaysWithHank

[Hank @HankMuth]

To all the four-legged ladies lookin' for love out there.....

The Heartbreak Pup says, "What's up?" 😘

(Twitter might block this pic because it's really racy and just oozes sexiness.)

[Hank @HankMuth]

No idea where this car is going since, as usual, I was not consulted nor was I briefed in advance....

All I'll say is that IF these people truly love me, we're headed to @Wendys for a Breakfast Baconator, a Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit, and those seasoned potatoes !!!! 🥳

[Hank @HankMuth]

The fam just informed me that wearing this hat to church this morning would be "highly inappropriate" ..... while ignoring the fact that I'm not even wearing any pants !!!!!

God Bless them.
🙏

[Hank @HankMuth]

Me: Hey, Stella. How about you go to the kitchen and make me a sandwich?

Stella: No.

#HankProblems

[Hank @HankMuth]

"Hank. Help me with my homework."
"Hank. Look over these court documents."
"Hank. Balance the checkbook."

Hank. Hank. Hank.

Am I going to get to go to the beach at some point ?!?!? 🤬

#ItAintEasyBeingHank

[Hank @HankMuth]

Fully vaccinated and living my best life.
How about you?

#Vaccinated
#HankKnowsWellness

[Hank @HankMuth]

Hello Twitter.
My name is Hank.
I live in Michigan.
My hobbies include ball chasing, power napping, and binge eating.
Turn Ons: Hockey.
Turn Offs: Politics.
Favorite Meal: Whatever you're having.
Dream 3 Dinner Guests: Lassie, Neal deGrasse Tyson, Dua Lipa.

Nice to meet you.