Max

I tweet at least 10 times per day. NOT SORRY! (he/him)

[Max @muxmarphy]

Why is good morning 😄🤪🥳 but good afternoon 😑🧐🥸

[Max @muxmarphy]

They need to invent some sort of sound that notifies you when something important happens on your phone so I don't have to keep checking it every five minutes

[Max @muxmarphy]

Going to sue dyson for tricking me into thinking this is a word every single time I use one of these

[Max @muxmarphy]

So deep in the internship hunt that I applied sunscreen yesterday and whispered "resume attached"

[Max @muxmarphy]

What's the deal with observational humor?

[Max @muxmarphy]

People like to share crazy news stories and say "you can't make this shit up." Yes I can. I'm good at making things up. It's called imagination Paula.

[Max @muxmarphy]

@spencernusbaum_ No problem

[Max @muxmarphy]

@____Robby Wow. I thought you were better than this.

[Max @muxmarphy]

@spencernusbaum_ @1GunnaGunna Why are you bad at tapping

[Max @muxmarphy]

@spencernusbaum_ U right kind of messed up on their part

[Max @muxmarphy]

Still in awe that emerson honored the class of 2020 by projecting an entire episode of young sheldon on the front of LB last night - honestly makes me wish I was a senior right now

[Max @muxmarphy]

@spencernusbaum_ You are the problem

[Max @muxmarphy]

@boratswife Sorry I have to edit a video for my mom

[Max @muxmarphy]

I miss the feeling at parties of going from an awkward silence with one stranger to an awkward silence with two strangers and now it not being my fault as much

[Max @muxmarphy]

@ethanjamp And that's thanks to viewers like you. Thank you.

[Max @muxmarphy]

So far twitter has just been me posting something, the tweet getting 1 like in 45 minutes, and me saying under my breath "well I thought it was funny." Someone please tell me it gets better

[Max @muxmarphy]

@cbarth51 That doesn't really sound like something I would do... I don't even know what weekend update is

[Max @muxmarphy]

@CargieZach This is disappointing news

[Max @muxmarphy]

So what's the deal with this new fiona applegate album like she was good in anchorman but I didn't really get singer/songwriter vibes no offense

[Max @muxmarphy]

@2hezonja3 You #wanttomarrythejohnwickfranchise

[Max @muxmarphy]

You know you're a #bored #filmstudent when you model your android messaging app color palette off of a dimly lit scene from a Spike Jonze film