⚡️ Voltz

One hoopy frood

[⚡️ Voltz @mvoltz96]

This is by far the most fucked up Onion article I've retweeted https://t.co/tbgZp0204A

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Fleshlighthouse Guides Weary Sailors Home To Realistic Vaginal Texture https://t.co/eZH7iXwPAr

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

Trump called Buzzfeed a “failing pile of garbage.” Which is weird, since their quiz result was actually “raging dumpster fire.”

[The Onion @TheOnion]

New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct https://t.co/fpg9fl1IPB

[⚡️ Voltz @mvoltz96]

Arizona is

H I G H K E Y

Stressing me out

[⚡️ Voltz @mvoltz96]

This year:

👉🏻don't condescend
👉🏻don't feign apathy because it's "cool"
👉🏻don't share an opinion unless you're willing to have it challenged

[Kim Kierkegaardashian @KimKierkegaard]

A nude lip is subtle. It asks, who is this pallid figure, who tried to carry a world but overstrained himself, and broke his soul?

[⚡️ Voltz @mvoltz96]

@katieblasing_ that's so sad

[⚡️ Voltz @mvoltz96]

Not accurate, no mention of Magic Mountain or coke-snorting moms at all https://t.co/AEVsduRfdP

[grace carey-hill @Gracecareyhill]

I'm uncomfortable. https://t.co/uGWs9G9nDa

[⚡️ Voltz @mvoltz96]

Just bought my first script off Sam French and I feel like that's a milestone

[The Onion @TheOnion]

ISIS Recruiter Excited To Be Talking To Popular High Schooler For Once https://t.co/Ri6XLWylsz

[⚡️ Voltz @mvoltz96]

@yuubaabaa BATTLE TARGET

[⚡️ Voltz @mvoltz96]

"What are you in here for?"
"Some shmendrick told me mi madre es puta"

[⚡️ Voltz @mvoltz96]

Faults break into pieces, earthquakes on every weekend

[⚡️ Voltz @mvoltz96]

@delaneysaur @CatieMcGowan I'm crying.

[William Shakespeare @Wwm_Shakespeare]

[Stabs him.]

[⚡️ Voltz @mvoltz96]

"Parked Bark at the Park", Dog on Grass, 9x12

[⚡️ Voltz @mvoltz96]

Don't even get me FUCKING started on how good white chicken chili is

[Cartoon MacDonald @WizardMacDonald]

Doctor: the nurse told me you think you've been suffering from anime?

Me: believe it

Doctor *under breath*: this is worse than I thought