myr

wannabe nerd | pretty princess | internet addict

[myr @myracles]

@ladawn #1, please.

[myr @myracles]

@adtothebone I think that's what they're referring to as "covid toes".

[myr @myracles]

@goodhairperson Do you mean @dog_rates ?

[myr @myracles]

@yowhatsthehaps Sounds like the perfect reason to wake up early.

[myr @myracles]

Air quality is down to 66, thanks to me ordering a case of masks online that won't be here until tomorrow. You're welcome, Seattle.

[myr @myracles]

@SortaBad Spend less on candles.

[myr @myracles]

Moana, but with cats.

[myr @myracles]

Me (getting ready to run down to the condo garage): Hold on I'm putting on a hoodie; I'm not wearing a bra.
4 y.o: Just walk like a grandma. Grandmas don't wear bras.

[myr @myracles]

4 y.o.: Mommy, that lady wants money.
Me: Yeah, I'm sorry but I don't have any money on me.
4: Then why don't you get your own sign?!

[myr @myracles]

@adtothebone Purple is dark pink.

[myr @myracles]

Fly in my juice: dump it out.

Fly in my wine: drink around it.

[myr @myracles]

Laundry is like a good steak: it needs to rest for a week out of the dryer before being put away. Pretty sure I'm making steaks wrong.

[myr @myracles]

B: Sometimes I think about our son and I want to cry
Me: That's so sweet! What about me?
B: Every time I think about you I wanna cry
*punch*

[myr @myracles]

How exactly does one get ready for this jelly? Peanut butter?

[myr @myracles]

Necessity is the mother of invention because it nags at you until you do it.

[myr @myracles]

If you didn't spend all your money on sharpies and cardboard, you wouldn't 'need $20 to go home', homeless dude.

[myr @myracles]

Sorry I'm late. Murphy's Law woke me up by punching me in the face.

[myr @myracles]

I get that this building has no accessible staircase but I will still stare you down when you press 1 anyhow. Assface.

[myr @myracles]

Centipede. Millipede. Bajillapede.

[myr @myracles]

I just noticed LMFAO doesn't say 'hooray!' in *I'm sexy and I know it*. Not even once. He must not really want to show it.