Kristina Haters United

“it’s better to cum in the sink, than sink in the cum”- Confucius @snooglio ❤️

[Kristina Haters United @n8_white1]

Goodbye old friend. You loved me unconditionally for 11+ years. I’ll miss and love you forever

[Jared “Ghost Dog” Denney @PlayaJared]

Weird how it’s called Canada Dry when a Can a da stuff makes me WET 💦

[679 Enthusiast @marionumber4]

Republicans when it comes to marriage:

[679 Enthusiast @marionumber4]

The “don’t tread on me” crowd when a surveillance state

[Clydell “Chode” Rhodes @clydellrhodes]

Hell of a post on the Facebook. Top 5 all time probably

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

In Georgia I entered a Chick-fil-A drive-thru line of forty cars.

I turned off my engine. I prepared to wait the way my ancestors waited out a siege.

Six minutes later I was holding chicken.

I do not know what happened to the other thirty-nine cars. The line moved like water that had somewhere to be.

A young woman walked between the cars taking orders on a small tablet, on foot, in the sun, smiling like the sun was her idea.

I said thank you.

She said, "My pleasure."

I did not think about it then. I should have.

At the window I thanked the young man for the food.

"My pleasure."

I thanked him for the sauce.

"My pleasure."

I thanked him for thanking me—

"My pleasure."

I want to be clear about what was happening.

This was a duel.

In Japan I trained in courtesy for forty years. Bowing angles. Seasonal greetings. The correct depth of apology for seventeen distinct situations.

I was a white belt in that drive-thru.

I escalated. I used my most formal English. I thanked him on behalf of my entire family line.

He said, "My pleasure," and gave me extra sauce.

Extra sauce. Unprovoked. A counterattack.

I returned the next day to reclaim my honor.

It was Sunday. The restaurant was closed.

All of them were closed. In the entire country. They close every Sunday, and they have closed every Sunday since the beginning, because the founder made a promise, and the promise did not expire when he did.

I stood in the empty parking lot and understood I had lost twice.

Once to a teenager with sauce.

Once to a man I will never meet, who kept his word so long it became a building.

In my country we say a samurai's word is his life.

I had never seen a restaurant say it back.

I returned Monday. I ordered. And this time I said it first, before she could.

"My pleasure."

She smiled and said, "It sure is."

America, I surrender.

It was my pleasure.

[I eat short people @UnderwearStain]

Farted a bit too hard and now it feels like im carrying a bunch of warm grapes in my underpants

[Jakob @sagworm]

These thanksgiving leftovers is hittingggggg🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

[Casual Thursday @CasualThursday]

You’re all gonna feel really stupid when Mitch returns to the senate with an amazing BBL

[pj @pjayevans]

I’m outside Mitch McConnell’s hospital window blasting See You Again by Wiz Khalifa on my JBL speaker

[Chowder 🐺 @imbrownonline]

fired a shotgun at my son from kinda far away thinking it'd be like fortnite and he just takes chip damage but now he looks like spongebob.exe

[deedee megadoodoo @givemebudlight]

can someone tell me how many calories are in 20 beers, 7 hotdogs, 3 hamburgers, a rack of smoked ribs, 7 slices of watermelon, 3 cupcakes, 2 popsicles, and 2 bags of tostitos scoops? trying to figure out if i should get a workout in before the 4th

[Matt Sommer @Msommer524]

My son’s having his first ever sleep over with 3 friends at our house and my wife went out to dinner with some friends, leaving me in charge. She wants an update

#RaysUp

[Pawp @FREETHEHORNETS]

niggas playing gang beasts

[Menacing Freak @taiggoblin]

just embarrassing for the both of us

[Collin Rutherford @collin_ruth89]

Few teenagers selling golf balls from their backyard for $2 each

Love seeing kids get into entrepreneurship

I bought 8 balls but they didn't charge me sales tax

Called the cops and had them arrested for tax evasion

Gotta learn about Uncle Sam at some point