Andrew O'Donnell

I tweet therefore I am.

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

#Naps the cause of and solution to being awake at 1:50 am on a weekday.

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

Did we think at some point putting pants on two legs at a time was fancy?

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

@DaveChappelle is the GOAT.

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

Has anyone else named and started talking to their kitchen appliances? There’s Steve the stove, mike the microwave oven, and Elizabeth DuFroid the seductive millionaire widow/fridge. #COVIDー19 #QuarantineLife

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

@SarahKSilverman I’ve had crumbs of afikomen around my b-hole for 2 weeks now. Despite what big matzah industry would have you believe, matzah is not a good substitute for toilet paper.

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

@jennyslate and @rejectedjokes aren’t related? Ok. But seriously #HotBabes

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

Nothing makes you realize how fat you are like 22 degree weather. #DatMoobSweat

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

Sometimes when I have my headphones in and I’m listening to my iTunes at work, @Adele comes on and I get genuinely concerned I’m going to break out into song.

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

Sometimes you wash your dog... sometimes your dog washes you.

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

Anyone sleeping on @Detroiters give your head a shake. It’s one of the funniest Detroit advertising, themed sitcoms in the last 7 or 8 years!

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

Join the conversation. #BeIlLetsTalk

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

We have a low of -24 on Wednesday. I have an extra fully functioning kidney. The bidding starts at a 1 week all inclusive 4 1/2 star. #ColdAF #snowday #Kidney4Hire

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

Buk just farted directly on me. #RudeDog

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

This gets me every time. How I Met Your Mother - MARSHALL'S DAD DEATH SCENE https://t.co/wTZppLHK61 via @YouTube

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

Well played @VancityReynolds
https://t.co/rJGzWMjEis

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

In case you were wondering 5 am is the right time to get cold food from @TimHortons

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

“My mom started collecting beanie babies about four years after she died” #Reno911

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

“That Guy sucks right?”
“Tip to tail piece of shit”
@Detroiters is a funny, funny show.

[Andrew O'Donnell @ndrewodonnell]

Power outage, 17% phone battery, good time for sleep! Oh what’s that? Not even a little tired, way to go brain!