Tom Giagafa

my personalities have personalities

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

What kind of sadist would put an air intake behind the toilet?
Me.
Dont let me design houses.

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

Putin on phone: "Your Deep State and my Unidentified Kremlin Enemies don't WANT us to be friends."
...
"If you wanna be friends you have to declare martial law when I do."
...
"Because you are chicken."
...
whispers aside: "I think he's gonna do it!"
<stifles laugh>

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

@zakozprime https://t.co/R7cz5y0V1p
I have been spoiled by this in-line water heater. Your water must not be as cold as mine...

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

"Check out the places you've been!"
I know where I've been, @Google, please stop being so blithe about the fact thay you're spying on me.

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

Need an electrician: when i open my mouth, my ass shows.

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

smart beings read words.
wise beings perceive ideas.

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

can you knead dough with a paint mixer?

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

them: "is that a burrito?"
me: "no. it's a hot pocket wrapped in a tortilla."

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

"Beause if we let in the white supremacists, we're gonna have to let in everybody else...and then THEY'RE going to have a platform." #-no1

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

Laughing is one of those activities which I refer to as "exercises" so that I may then refer to my activity level as "moderate."

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

I put Clappers on all of my lights! Nobody warned me!!

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

Is this the shirt I want to be wearing for my mugshots?

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

In my hood, all these firecrackers make deaf people think time done sped up.

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

America doesnt need suicide bombers; we have clinically depressed unmanned drones with financial hardships.

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

Terminally ill American patriot hardcore fundamentalist Christians: Uncle Sam should want YOU as suicide bombers!

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

There was a House arc in which the new, rich boss fired board members who disagreed with him. It's been done, Trump. Try a new plot device.

[etherbrian @etherbrian]

Me: "Ugh. So sleepy. Time for bed."
Internet: "Hey! Look at this thing!"
Me: "OK!"

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

Rabid rabbits and rabies vaccinations. #MagicianDatingProblems

[Tom Giagafa @needacatalyst]

Can't take you to a decent restaurant 'cause all his money has been spent on makeup and bunny feed. #MagicianDatingProblems