Doctor: your cholesterol is 6.4. I would like to start you on a statin.
Patient: what does it do for someone like me.
Doctor: it lowers your cholesterol.
Patient: I mean, what does that do. If a hundred people like me take it for five years, how many are alive at the end who would otherwise be dead.
Doctor: the trials show a clear benefit.
Patient: how many.
Doctor: for people who have not had a heart attack, the trials do not show a statistically significant reduction in death.
Patient: so, none.
Doctor: it prevents heart attacks.
Patient: how many, in the hundred.
Doctor: about one.
Patient: and how many of the hundred get diabetes from it.
Doctor: about two.
Patient: and how many of the people in those trials were women my age who had never had a heart attack.
Doctor: fewer than we would like.
Patient: so the pill is for life, it prevents one heart attack in hundred over five years, gives two of the hundred diabetes, was tested mostly on men, and does not make me live any longer.
Doctor: those are the numbers, yes.
Patient: then I will take the numbers home and read them, and you can send the pamphlet to whoever it was written for.
Me: "May I please have the package insert for the flu vaccine?"
Rite-Aid Pharmacist: "Why?"
Me: "So I can read it."
P: "Which one?"
Me: "The one advertised with the little banners on every aisle."
P: "I will print you the information sheet."
Me: "No, that's not the same thing."
P: "What do you want to know? I can tell you."
Me: "I would just like to read the whole thing before I consider getting one...side effects, contraindications, effectiveness, ingredients like mercury."
P: "I don't think I have any. Let me check. (checks) Sorry, I can't give you one until the box is empty, because it has to stay in the box. And there isn't any thimerisol in the single dose flu shot any more. I can print you the information sheet."
Pharmacy co-worker with big smile at me: "Hi, I found one." (hands insert to me)
***
Here are some things in the insert not on the store's sheet:
1. The single dose vial contains mercury at ≤1mcg (This is called a "trace amount" by the industry.) The multi-vial contains 25 mcg.
2. People with egg allergies are contraindicated.
3. "Safety and effectiveness have not been established in pregnant women, nursing mothers and children under four. There are no adequate and well-controlled studies in pregnant women. This vaccine should be used during pregnancy only if clearly needed. It is not known whether fluvarin is excreted in human milk."
4. "Fluvarin has not been evaluated for carcinogenic or mutagenic potential, or for impairment of fertility."
5. "Antibody response is low in the geriatric population."
6. "Serious reactions, including anaphylactic shock, have been observed."
7. "There are no data to assess the concomitant administration of flu vaccine with other vaccines."
8. "The vaccine has been associated with an increased frequency of Guillain-Barre syndrome."
9. "In some studies, fluvarin protected up to 50% of subjects."
With love to those who read this far. Please share. 👊🏼
No one needs a #Flu shot!
(It unalived my mom…)
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Dietician: "You can't cut carbohydrates. They're an essential part of a balanced diet."
Patient: "How many essential amino acids are there?"
Dietician: "Nine."
Patient: "Essential fatty acids?"
Dietician: "Two."
Patient: "Essential carbohydrates?"
Dietician: "Your brain runs on glucose."
Patient: "Which my liver makes. How many?"
Dietician: "Whole grains provide energy."
Patient: "So does dinner. How many?"
Dietician: [turns a page, then turns it back]
The reference manual on her own shelf gives the minimum carbohydrate intake compatible with life. It has said zero since 2005.