kelsey

don't trust the police. no justice, no peace.

[kelsey @neylonstein]

@DoobsandBoobs69 💯

[kelsey @neylonstein]

One thing is that I’m always going to get drunk and talk about how much I love my mom 😭

[kelsey @neylonstein]

Cheese is fire. But cheese with a deep fried breading? A heart don’t forget something like that

[kelsey @neylonstein]

St. Patrick’s day is just a green Halloween

[kelsey @neylonstein]

You know you’re old when you’re showing the cashier your ID and they say “you’re fine” lmao

[✼｡ﾟ･* boothang @showpassionn]

Why is gas 4 dollars a gallon when Jesus already paid the ultimate price

[kelsey @neylonstein]

Left my corkscrew at my friend’s probably at the beginning of summer and have bought several bottles of wine since then. It’s incredible how well I have gotten at opening bottles with a knife, but even more incredible that I haven’t bought a new corkscrew yet lol

[kelsey @neylonstein]

It’s always very strange talking to a nurse about COVID and discovering that they are openly anti-VAX😳

[kelsey @neylonstein]

“All good pizza gives you diarrhea. That’s how you know it’s good.”

[kelsey @neylonstein]

@KalieKittyKat Probably going to write a self-help book soon about my successes 😂

[kelsey @neylonstein]

I know it’s going to be a good day when I’ve had my breakfast, cup of coffee, and morning shit all before my 6th alarm.

[gabe bergado @gabebergado]

mixed kids and their white dads

[Leo @MODELIONS]

wait cuz in 2 months 2019 will be 7 years ago......

[kelsey @neylonstein]

I told the kids at work that I’m the Avatar, and one of them wholeheartedly said “okay I can see that”🥺💧🪨🔥💨

[kelsey @neylonstein]

I just folded tf out of my fitted sheet. LIVE FROM MY BEDROOM, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!

[kelsey @neylonstein]

@KMarikoo @CrazyEightsLV Who recorded me?!

[kelsey @neylonstein]

Seeing face masks on but noses fully exposed is like seeing a buttcrack on somebody wearing perfectly good bottoms. Can’t you feel the breeze? Pull em up!

[kelsey @neylonstein]

You ever run into someone and think “thank god I wore a bra today”?

[Amy Solomon @amybethsol]

My boyfriend just now: “Would you live here? In Roku City?”

[kelsey @neylonstein]

“Ghost Casper was hot.”