Nicole Becannon

I write for people hotter/ more famous than me and try not to have mental breakdowns. Those two things take up most of my time.

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

You guys think Taylor Swift is a Banksy?

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

My targeted ads roast me harder than then any person ever could

[Katrina Davis @katrinasivad]

So proud of @megangailey @robhaze @NicoleBecannon Pat Barker Jerron Horton and Mike Lawrence (Sarah Tiana too, but we aren’t friends she’s just phenomenal.)

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

@jetskijohnson @wiseguyscomedy1 I was so worried for like 2 seconds 😂😂

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

My brain when I’m hormonal: “the Supreme Court is doing this cuz I’m fat”

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

I know people are concerned about drag queens being around kids but in my opinion MORE men should keep their dicks tucked away around minors.

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

“Bar rescue” but for good comedians’ social media accounts.

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

I don’t have road rage but I do have road depression where I think about driving off a cliff

[The Comedy Store @TheComedyStore]

May 24th in the Belly Room don't miss the first #dirtyat1030 with @NotHormones @SaulComedy @kimberlycongdon @kurtmetzger #robsmallwood @anthonyamorello @NicoleBecannon

Get your tickets at https://t.co/nihwg3XnrS

#thecomedystore

[The Comedy Store @TheComedyStore]

It's Potluck Night!

We are almost SOLD OUT so get your tickets now!

7pm with @NicoleBecannon https://t.co/LzosFAsy3U

9:30 with @matedgar https://t.co/qyUdXL3Yo9

#thecomedystore

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

@HooperHairPuff This could be turned into a “12 days of Christmas” style song

[Stanley Franklin @stanleypfrank]

me: **cracks open Monster at 8pm**
me: hey it’s 5 am somewhere right

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

Don’t be self-conscious if your ex is dating someone hot. Clearly he’s got a type bb💕

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

Hearing someone with a Jersey accent say “balls” is one of my simple joys in life

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

@katrinasivad A fresh mall pretzel is one of my favorite things

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

You guys stop posting your butts. The guy next to me on the airplane thinks I’m a butt scrolling perv (jk keep doing it)

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

@redheadheidi I definitely contemplated doing this 😂😂

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

Whenever I go to like a tweet and it’s been deleted I feel connected to that person in mutual insecurity

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

I am super competitive but I’m also bad at everything. What a nightmare.

[Nicole Becannon @NicoleBecannon]

I leave just one typo in every tweet as a cry four help