Chris *The Rock* Rumsey

They/Them | Chicago-based writer and Olympic noodle-boiling silver medalist of 2013 | Go check out my poetry on IG @crummy_poems

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

Chunkin' Chode-nuts

That's it, that's the whole tweet.

[Benchwarmers @bnchwrmrs_chi]

@TheGreatGer123 @trvshg0d @NiftyOctopus22 go see all the photos from this shoot over on our instagram! https://t.co/SVPPz15ouN

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

Look, I know I don't fully understand the importance of Black History Month, but seeing a group of people on Reddit say that Cake's cover of "I Will Survive" is better than Gloria Gaynor's just doesn't seem like the right way to start it.

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

Happy Gordon Lightfoot Day to all who celebrate! May your feet stay light and your legend live on

[hi ✋😳 @singingflesh]

A Gingerale will cure ailments of the body and a Dr Pepper, ailments of the mind and spirit.

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

@willyj_95 This tweet is important for people to be able to truly understand our issues. Just yesterday I fell face first into a banana cream pie and had to miss my friend's birthday (unrelated)

[seosamh @wexicanbandit]

me explaining the plot of ratatouille on pcp:

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

Convinced that @andydick is the evil twin of @chrisfluming and nothing will change my mind.

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

Sitting here and thinking about just how fucked up it is that I have to consider going to work with a broken arm.

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

@maddswell Sounds like your cat is visiting his in-laws lol

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

@AGouletas But....but I am. Right?

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

*agressively wags finger*

[President Biden Archived @POTUS46Archive]

My message to the companies running gas stations and setting prices at the pump is simple: this is a time of war and global peril.

Bring down the price you are charging at the pump to reflect the cost you’re paying for the product. And do it now.

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

@willyj_95 Wow, that founding parent was...really something else.

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

Founding Fathers: So hey, we all took a vote and decided that you can eat shit. Peace out, dude.

King George: Well, I guess since you've voted on it....

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

In lieu of their recent decision, I'm extending a cordial invitation to the six victorious Supreme Court justices to guzzle gallons of unpasteurized incel sweat. ❤️

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

No wonder Hamlet was depressed, his dad was just murdered AND his name means village?! Yeah, I'd wanna kill myself too.

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

@IwriteOK @_wowchris Based.

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

Nah, not really, but sometimes it's better than driving, ya know?

[Senator John Cornyn @JohnCornyn]

Do like airports?

[Chris *The Rock* Rumsey @NiftyOctopus22]

"Are y'all ready for Jumper 2?"

[IGN @IGN]

Hayden Christensen said 6 words at Star Wars Celebration and sent the crowd wild. https://t.co/IcJjKAtRWX