CAH!

[NurseBrianRN @rn_murse]

dentist: open up, please.

me: i can’t prove it, but i’m pretty sure my mom had sex with my gym teacher in ‘93.

dentist:

[📚 FeralForFiction📚 @Feral4fiction]

Today might feel like an absolute dumpster fire, but the universe gave us Taco Tuesday for a reason. Cry if you need to, but do it over a plate of carnitas. You’re going to survive today out of pure spite and seasoned beef.

[Busted Flip Flops @GrillinChillin9]

God Bless you, Dolly Parton.

Everyone loved you. Pure heart of Gold.

RIP

A true American Legend

[Busted Flip Flops @GrillinChillin9]

Some days you just want to put a sign around your neck that says "out of order" and then call it a day.

[Henry 3000 @Henry_3000]

When I see you coming my heart quickens because im ducking for cover.

[Airliner747 @airliner747MC]

@messedupfoods Imagine if he's asked, and he gaslights her with a "No *you* drank it you drunk b****."

[Just asking @18tintaweb]

@messedupfoods Hope that's the glass with the rohipnol

[dire wolf @ADDiane]

FUCK THIS PLACE

[aLittleLeftOfNormal @LeftOf_Normal]

Don't read this post, it'll waste your time.
If you're still reading it, you just wasted
your time.

[Benny Boy @Camel_Crushin]

Dolly passing away on Titty Tuesday…what an absolute legend.

[The Abominable Dr Whom @chapel3929]

Bruce Springsteen is Johnny Cash for rich people who wish they were ethnic

[AbbyDabbyBOObies @DearAuntAbby]

My first New Years resolution was to never make resolutions. So yes, I have stuck to my resolution

['dro🐰 @Clowndro]

One of my sincere hopes for this app is that one day some dumb thing I said will trigger an idea in a talented person that leads them to their masterpiece

['dro🐰 @Clowndro]

The debilitating sadness in me recognizes the debilitating sadness in you

[Velocirooster chicxulubensis @Theropologist]

Me: it's like Heraclitus said: you can't step in the same sandwich twice
Subway Sandwich Artist Who Has Thusfar Been Taking This in Stride: Bro, no he didn't. And even if he did he didn't mean it like that.

[Juggernaut @TheHumanBot]

I would kick so much ass if finding meaning in very mundane things was a sport.