Nikki Oak

Steven & Finlay make my world go round. Love my boys ❤

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

@SmythsToysUK I don’t have photo ID to pick up my c&c order. How do I collect?

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

@cmack_89 @IGNUKDeals Please don’t show him 🙈. He’s not getting one till Christmas at the earliest lol

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

@cmack_89 @game_collection Thanks. We were just trying to find the uk price for it

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

@bbceastenders @BBCOne @BBCiPlayer Oh god, I’m not looking forward to this weeks episodes, especially tomorrows 😭💔

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

@Nigel_Farage You need to make sure you have enough people standing for election then. My friend couldn’t vote because there wasn’t a reform candidate to vote for in his constituency (he wasn’t interested in voting for anyone else)

[steve @bagshaw2112]

I Defy anyone to read this out loud in a meeting or at home without cracking up

WARNING ABOUT VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM. Please share to save lives of men

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "

Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...

So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect....... :-o

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

@Morebusco Are you aware of any planned road closures, bus stops closed around Bournemouth town centre on 15/11 for the light switch on?

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

@SmythsToysUK how do I DM you about my gift card balance being taken off my order but I still paid my full order amount by card?!

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

@SmythsToysUK I’ve just placed an order using a gift card and the balance has been used & then I was charged the full order amount to pay by card! How do I fix this?!

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

Love this 😆🥰

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

This ⬇️💯

[Piers Morgan @piersmorgan]

Vote today.
If you don’t vote, you have no right to moan, bleat, whine or chunter about the way this country is run.
So, get down to your local polling station and VOTE.

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

This ⬇️ 💯

[Carol Vorderman @carolvorders]

We Can Be Heroes Just For One Day 🤍

TOMORROW
Be a hero and VOTE tactically to Stop The Tories and end their culture wars, corruption and lies for decades to come

Go to https://t.co/cWTNy7b445
For your tactical choice 🤍
RT #ToryWipeout2024 #ToriesOut

[Carol Vorderman @carolvorders]

Nearly FOUR MILLION VIEWS on our website so far

https://t.co/3Rt9iA6euK

Just type in your postcode
We can make history TOGETHER
Aiming for Tories into 3rd place just as the Survation indicates can happen 👍🏼👍🏼

#TacticalVoting

[Being Scottish @BeingScots]

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 Words for an unlikable person

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

@cineworld When will we be able to book the new @DespicableMe movie?

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

@BootsHelp I was just in Poole store. Tried to use some of my points but my card was declined. Sales assistant came over checked what I had bought in case there was something not covered by my points. There wasn’t so she said I’ve no idea, sorry & walked off. So I had to pay

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

@Helen_biochem @DeakinSue1 @NHSEmployers Only tax, NI & pension contributions are taken into consideration for UC.

[IRN-BRU @irnbru]

Not been feeling yourself recently? Been acting a bit weird? Then grab a BRU and watch our new ad. #OptimismBackInScotland #WeCan

[Nikki Oak @nikki_oak]

At last 🎉

[9-1-1 NEWS @911TVNEWS]

#INTERNATIONAL 🇬🇧🇮🇪 | ‘9-1-1’ Season 7 is reportedly set to premiere on Disney+ in the UK & Ireland on May 1st. 🚨 #911onABC

(SOURCE: https://t.co/va89OtYQmI)