hannah

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[trash jones @jzux]

oceans: hot tub

aliens: real

economy: disintegrating

me: hey just circling back on my last email

[deanna mcdonald @deannagmcdonald]

imagine screwing up so bad that every muppet on sesame street takes turns dunking on your idea

[julia hava @binchcity]

New ig bio just dropped

[melissa lozada-oliva @ellomelissa]

Dolly would never do this. She’d be like “well you GOTto take a pitcher beCAWs one day yer gonna take a look atcherself and say my, my, my, whatever happened to those years? now me, I just cawl my favorite surgeon. I don’t have shame. take a photo honey. it’ll last longer.”

[Mike from PA @Mike_from_PA]

One time Elon was on a plane he offered to buy a horse for the flight attendant if she would jerk him off.

She ended up being paid hundreds of thousands of dollars in a settled sexual harassment lawsuit.

[jodie @jodieegrace]

this is the best promotion of the film i've seen

[Satchel Price @SatchelPrice]

Love how the Portillos line is still packed in this photo

[trash jones @jzux]

me at 16: i am going to be so successful when i grow up

me now: maybe someday i will have enough energy to start a hobby

[hannah @nitsuahannah]

@BestBuy if you would price match the prime day sale, I know a lot of kindle girlies who would be canceling their Amazon order and coming to you instead to get their kindle faster 👀

[hannah @nitsuahannah]

@AmazonHelp your shipping details are a tad confusing 🙃

[Alex Murdoch @alexgmurd]

“diet coke is bad for you” oh nooooooo this whole time i was drinking it because i thought it was a superfood on par with kale

[Stephen Nelson @StephenNelson]

If you light a firework after 11pm (not a crazy curfew IMO!), you should be court-ordered to listen to child cries & dog barks—full blast, on loop 24 consecutive hours for every firework lit. Plus each parent of baby/pet gets to punch you *in the face* until satisfied. Happy 4th!

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

After Watching The Chaos A Storm Unleashed On A Cruise Ship, We Are Perfectly Fine Never Going On A Cruise Again https://t.co/wOVaxcsLGo

[trash jones @jzux]

hey sorry can’t make it out tonight something came up

[anna ??? :00 🇵🇸✨🌸✨🇵🇸 @frogsforgirls]

don’t make me tap the sign

[Betches News @Betches_News]

Give the submarine's occupation and first name to a single woman in her 20s and she'll find it in 4 minutes flat

[Justin🦩Boldaji @justinboldaji]

Finding out the blink 182 submarine stepson was jailed for making death threats to various female rave DJs & im at about the limit of information I can take in on this news story

[TechnicallyRon (On all the platforms) @TechnicallyRon]

The sub story has everything. Billionaires. Logitech controllers. A stepson seeing Blink 182. Conversations about what is funny and what isn't. Rescue missions. The Titanic. Orcas.