Nicole

[DOJA CAT @DojaCat]

hey elon if u see this please put the audio post feature back on here. Thanks, u frog build looking bitch. Barrel chested ewok u look like u eat sand.

[your other mom @difficultpatty]

First date idea: Sit in a Target parking lot and predict who won’t put their shopping cart away.

[Irishrygirl @irishrygirl]

Most of you are familiar with the “Irish goodbye” but some of you aren’t familiar with the “Irish hello” it’s when I say yes to plans and never show up. Slainte

[☔ @Whotfismick]

I've already given my all to this week and it's still only Tuesday

[Moongazer @joeybeastmarket]

When I give my kids the “don’t do drugs” talk do I mention that I physically spent 7 years as a bag of chips in a supermarket after smoking gas station salvia in a pool shed or do I just say I had a bad trip

[MACÈO MULAN @maceomulan]

every fucking time i walk outside it’s a different fucking season

[ravn @mfnravn]

also idk who controlling the weather but they got this bitch on shuffle

[chromatic. @juhmeer]

the only white person invited to my wedding is justin timberlake so he can perform mirrors and then be promptly escorted off the premises

[Crocodile Cam⚡️🇨🇻 @CrocodileCam]

Rent prices too high

[Circe @vocalcry]

I think I've liked every single QT of this

[☔ @Whotfismick]

How it feels to type in ur email and password with a remote

[lindsey ok @lindseyyok]

It’s every fucking day with this stupid fucking President swear to god

[Gramps @GrandpaHarris65]

A con man, pedophile, and a convicted felon walk into a bar.

Bartender says "Here by yourself today, Mr. President?"

[‏ً @omgsidewalks]

parents when you tell them you have a mental illness

[Han 🖤 @spoonfulofhan]

“They aren’t here legally!”

I do not give a shit. Genuinely. You couldn’t pay me to care.

[The Green Dragon Tavern @greendragonhq]

The dumbest guy you knew in High School became a police officer and the dumbest guy he knew became an ICE agent.

[very baller cash money normal sane person @normal_ballerz]

might start huffing paint thinner and hitting my head on walls

[˚ʚ 𝑅𝐼𝒩𝒜 | رينا ɞ˚ @oatlyrina]

When the medication I'm taking has "loss of appetite" side effect

[Barry @BarryOnHere]

I have to admit, Will dying of AIDS in the Stranger Things finale caught me totally off guard. Well done, Duffer brothers.

[Sam Stein @samstein]

No. It's not Sunday. It's actually Thursday