PhilosophyMeetHammer

I write sometimes. | All thoughts are my own |

[PhilosophyMeetHammer @notabigbird]

"Darling, I promise you that underneath this awkward-turtle's shell is a smoldering sex godde-" *trips on box*

[Sheetal Sheth @sheetalsheth]

No one ever asked me if I'm comfortable with a male president.

[Philosophy Matters @PhilosophyMttrs]

He meant covfefen’t.

[PhilosophyMeetHammer @notabigbird]

@AmericanU I have not received any email alerts about this and had to find out about the lockdown through a friend. Please explain this failure. https://t.co/FM1qVYH751

[American University @AmericanU]

AU Alert: Lockdown continues. Investigation ongoing. Technical issue delayed previous e-mail alerts; now resolved. Continue to shelter in place.

[PhilosophyMeetHammer @notabigbird]

@MaryBethMath

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

But my emails. https://t.co/G7TIWDEG0p

[PhilosophyMeetHammer @notabigbird]

@Dharmah35 Embrace the curl! #teamcurlyhair 👌🙌

[Michelle Wolf @michelleisawolf]

I enthusiastically stand by this. Thanks Anthony. ❤️ https://t.co/gktKMfB8if

[NOT A WOLF @SICKOFWOLVES]

SORRY NO POSTS TODAY I HAD A WEIRD SOCIAL INTERACTION AND MUST NOW REMAIN ABSOLUTELY STILL IN THE DARK UNTIL MONDAY AS PER TRADITION

[meghan frances @OceansOfBliss]

Jam sesh

[meghan frances @OceansOfBliss]

Nikki can play the piano. I can paint. Together we are a force.

[PhilosophyMeetHammer @notabigbird]

@OceansOfBliss same bruh

[PhilosophyMeetHammer @notabigbird]

You naughty thing, you. 😘 https://t.co/b23wybOuue

[The Hill @thehill]

Kentucky clerk Kim Davis writing book on "dramatic encounters with furious, fist-pounding, homosexual men" https://t.co/Jk1m5SdcST

[Cameron Esposito @cameronesposito]

It is SUCH a bummer I’m not an Olympic figure skater

Don’t u wanna see a soft butch out there no makeup skating to Fast Car

[PhilosophyMeetHammer @notabigbird]

2018👶:DAD WAKE UP!
2017👨:What, is Trump gone? Is Britain staying in the EU? Have you redeemed the sins of your senile grandpappy 2016??
2018👶:I put a Tesla IN SPACE and it's gonna orbit THE SUN!
2017👨:
2016👴:How marvelous!
2017👨:GO BACK TO SLEEP OLD MAN NO ONE LIKES YOU!

[PhilosophyMeetHammer @notabigbird]

Me: "Fuck everything. I am not writing a damn thing today. Nope. I am gonna sleep."
Also me: "Fine, I'll write. It will probably be terrible."
Me again, 1 hour later: "Holy shit I have so many ideas where did these come from????"
The roommate, regarding me from afar:

[PhilosophyMeetHammer @notabigbird]

♫ On the 1st day of Xmas my schedule looks like this:
12 mins lounging
11 cups of coffee
10 minutes biking
9 books I returned
8 web tabs open
7 more distractions
6 hours I wasted
5 HOURS OF SLEEP
4 pages to go
3 emails
2 chocolate donuts
+ a paper due by Wed afternoon

[PhilosophyMeetHammer @notabigbird]

"Did You Do the Reading?": A Grad School Story in 3 Tweets
(3/3) Professor does cold call. Cringeworthy ad-libbing ensues:

[PhilosophyMeetHammer @notabigbird]

"Did You Do the Reading?": A Grad School Story in 3 Tweets
(2/3) When you collectively think pointing fingers will make it better:

[PhilosophyMeetHammer @notabigbird]

"Did You Do the Reading?": A Grad School Story in 3 Tweets
(1/3) Collective reaction when, upon entering class, everyone realizes no one did the reading: