kerry

comedian/writer unless you ask me if I get paid for it then I’m just a normal person who writes funny things sometimes (she/her)

[kerry @notkerry]

umm this is literally a screenshot from my hinge profile LOL. Glad it got like 18k likes here cause it’s gotten me NONE on hinge so far

[Read Raising Expectations (and Raising Hell) @JPHilllllll]

Oh my god lol

[kerry @notkerry]

re: latest game changer episode

[kerry @notkerry]

I wish that I could sort through and pair up socks forever how can I make that my job?

[kerry @notkerry]

you are not the “good guy” by pointing out and doing the things “bad guys” might do, it just makes you a bad guy too

[kerry @notkerry]

So many instances of men saying “what if someone did this to you” while actively doing it. I remember a coworker once followed me from my bus to the office and afterwards said “did you know someone could just follow you? You should be more careful” Oh, like you just did?

[₊˚✧ Sienna ✧˚₊ @Pengmuse]

I was buying pepper spray at Academy Sports and a guy put me in a headlock and whispered in my ear “What would you do with pepper spray if someone attacks you from behind.” I was 18 & weighed 95 pounds, for context, I froze.
The guy at the gun counter literally jumped straight over the counter and kicked the guy out of the store. I stood there in shock for probably 5 minutes and the worker walked me to my car.

[kerry @notkerry]

I was completely aware I was being followed the entire time I just didn’t let it show. He scared me just to show that he could with the excuse he was “just looking out for me”

[Moira Donegan @MoiraDonegan]

There are lovers you forget and sandwiches that haunt you for the rest of your life.

[doomer @uncledoomer]

saving 20% of my income so that in 30 years i can afford 11 months of assisted living. the math is airtight

[Tomris Laffly @TomiLaffly]

Nice touch here, whoever did this.

[kerry @notkerry]

spam messages are creative now but still very obvious because no one would EVER say this to me

[Skyler Higley @skyler_higley]

it’s so fucking crazy all the time… like one thing after another, so I mostly don’t react to it and let it wash over me. But every once in a while I have these moments of clarity where I’m like damn… what the fuck.

[kerry @notkerry]

all subway ads:
1. here’s a lawyer
2. become a cop
3. AI company that only vaguely implies what it does

[kerry @notkerry]

YES I am IRISH. I have CURLY HAIR and FRECKLES and I am often SAD.

[kerry @notkerry]

as the famous Irish poets once said: c'est la vie

[kerry @notkerry]

my therapist is younger than me, which is fine. she had to look up who My Chemical Romance is, which is fine!

[Brandon Streussnig @BrndnStrssng]

The Ilhan Omar attack is obviously horrific but it kinda owns how she was immediately ready to beat that dude’s ass

[James🔻 @GoodVibePolitik]

I think if hotels do not want to get their windows smashed, they should avoid housing ICE agents. If the presence of ICE is a direct risk to the reputation and physical property of your establishment, you should be willing to make the call to preserve both and kick them out.

[kerry @notkerry]

@ChrisMurphyCT yeah we see why you only want to defund “this version” of ICE

[travis tate stan 🇰🇿🇺🇦🇵🇸 @gyumibears]

Renee Good’s last words were “It’s fine dude I’m not mad at you” and she was met with murder and “fucking bitch”. Alex Pretti’s final words were asking the woman he was defending “Are you okay?” And he was met with murder and “boo hoo”. These ghouls have no humanity, no soul

[kerry @notkerry]

yeah not surprised the guy who was bragging about Biden deporting more people than Trump at the beginning of his term only wants to defund “this version” of ICE. Fuck Chris Murphy

[Chris Murphy 🟧 @ChrisMurphyCT]

1. ICE must leave Minneapolis.

2. Congress should not fund this version of ICE - that is seeking confirmation, chaos and dystopia.

[John Aravosis 🇺🇸🇬🇷🏳️‍🌈 @aravosis]

He wasn't killed because he had a gun.
He was killed because he had a camera.

[Stephen Semler @stephensemler]

4% of Democratic voters want to increase military spending.

70% of House Democrats just voted to increase military spending.