Actually Nobody

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

I do want to stop thinking of myself as the scum he's scraped off the bottom of his boot.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

I don't know if I want to reconcile them.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

I don't know how to reconcile the man who loves me and thinks I'm brilliant with the man who looks at me like I'm lower than dirt.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

Sometimes I wish he meant to make me feel completely worthless, so at least I could be angry.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

I dislike feeling unwelcome in the home I own.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

Relationship logic: I'm a bitch because you made plans that interrupt our plans and then forgot to tell me.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

Worth considering: you treat me like I'm worthless because I am worthless.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

I find myself increasingly tired of being the least important thing in your life.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

WTB: three good reasons not to kill myself.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

Relationship status report:
I wish I were better.
You deserve better.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

+ Those mornings you wake up knowing exactly what you mean to him.
- Nothing. The answer is nothing.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

Alternately, I would like to quietly cease to exist. Not die. Just...never have been at all.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

I would like a day where I am not overwhelmed by tears. Just one. A whole day. Just once.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

Today has been a constant stream of knowing I've done something wrong, but not knowing what.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

I wonder if I will ever have a relationship with another human being where I am not waiting for the first slap.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

I had no idea that being worthless would feel like I was trying so hard.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

But lately I constantly feel like an idiot. And I'm so tired of being sorry all the time.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

I never thought of myself as a particularly stupid person before you.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

I don't know why I keep talking.

[Actually Nobody @notrecovered]

I just want to stop waking up.