NRyan Hidayat

94's

[🦋 @leftunsents]

i started believing I was the problem. Every time they took forever to reply, I blamed myself. Every time they seemed distant, I wondered what I did wrong. I began apologizing for wanting more, for feeling hurt, for simply needing them. I made myself smaller, quieter, and less demanding just so they wouldn’t pull away.

I kept telling myself that if I was more patient, more understanding, and less needy, they would finally show up for me the way I always showed up for them. But the more I shrank myself to fit into their world, the more invisible I became.

The truth that hurts the most is realizing I was the only one still fighting for the relationship. I was exhausted from loving someone who made me feel like my love was too much work.

I’m done making myself smaller for someone who never made space for all of me.

[detach @detachdaily]

one of the saddest things about emotional exhaustion is that eventually you stop looking for support and start looking for ways to carry it better.

[🦋 @leftunsents]

i kept checking my phone like it would change anything, making excuses for why you were distant, telling myself you were just busy or going through something. I swallowed every “I miss you”

I wanted to say and waited for you to reach out first, because I didn’t want to seem too much. I gave you my full attention whenever you finally texted, dropped whatever I was doing, and acted like it didn’t hurt when days went by without a word from you.

The worst part is realizing I was the only one trying to keep us alive. You got to live your life while I sat with the anxiety, the overthinking, and the quiet hope that maybe today you’d choose me back. I let myself become smaller and smaller just to fit into the little space you left for me.

It hurts more than I can say, but I can’t keep waiting for someone who never made me feel wanted. I’ll always love you… just not like this anymore.

[🦋 @leftunsents]

i completely exhausted myself trying to choose you, and the most devastating part is you never even noticed how hard I was fighting to hold us together. I sat by my phone waiting for texts that never came, gave you endless space, and let you treat me like a part-time OPTION whenever it was convenient for you.

It genuinely BROKE something inside of me to watch you quietly fade away, looking at me with COLD eyes like our entire history meant absolutely nothing to you.

I never WANTED this to end up as a bitter lesson I genuinely wanted it to be you. But my loyalty, my patience, and my constant communication couldn't fix a person who was perfectly comfortable with losing me.

I know I wasn't perfect either, and I won't hold anything against you, but I finally have to accept that I deserve a love that doesn't require me to destroy myself to keep it. I'll always forgive you, but I can never forget how easy it was for you to let me go. Goodbye.

[NRyan Hidayat @nryanhdytt]

In case u forgot😉

[NRyan Hidayat @nryanhdytt]

Another year older, another year of missing u.
Spent my birthday morning right here with u, mak.
Even though you aren't here to blow out the candles with me, i know u're watching over me from above hehe
Forever ur child, no matter how old I get🤍

[NRyan Hidayat @nryanhdytt]

I can't explain, but i'll find a song that will.

[gara @anggarasamvdr]

setuju banget sama kalimat ini, apalagi di bagian :

"mendoakan orang adalah salah satu tanda hati kita ada rahmat"

[NRyan Hidayat @nryanhdytt]

I used to be big on addressing stuff because i believed communication would fix things, but it's draining now. Let people be who they are and walk away hehe

[NRyan Hidayat @nryanhdytt]

It's hard when the person you believe will support you instead causes trauma and awful feelings hehe

[ann @annmithy]

— The Let Them Theory —

Sering kali kita kecewa karena perilaku orang ngga sesuai ekspektasi, sedangkan kita udah berusaha jadi apa yang mereka mau.

Padahal yaa, ngga semua hal bisa kita kendalikan. termasuk reaksi, sikap, atau penilaian orang lain. hal penting yang perlu diingat adalah kita diciptakan bukan untuk membahagiakan semua orang.

dan mungkin...yang bikin capek selama ini adalah karena kita terlalu sibuk mikirin “nanti orang lain mikir tentang aku apa ya?”

[Han🍀 @0xhanyfa]

gue aja sampe sekarang gak ngerti sebenernya gue lagi kehilangan apa.

yang gue tau, ada sesuatu di dalam diri gue yang pernah retak… dan gak pernah bener-bener pulih lagi.

rasanya... gak maksa minta diperhatiin. cuma diem, numpuk di dada, dan ikut gue ke mana-mana...

[NRyan Hidayat @nryanhdytt]

At your absolute best, you still won't be good enough for the wrong person.
At your worst, you'll still be worth it to the right person.

Karen Salmansohn

[Writing Corner. @pencorner]

I Used to Say, ‘I Wish I Met You Later in Life'
🖊️ caie

[NRyan Hidayat @nryanhdytt]

Born with a curse to ruin everythings hehe

[NRyan Hidayat @nryanhdytt]

Love's never wasted, when it's shared. Olivia Dean - A Couple Minutes

[Veloria 🌊 @veloriahq]

𝘐𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘰𝘰.

[blue @bluewmist]

My therapist told me:

“When a person grows up feeling unseen, they learn to love by over-giving. They pour into everyone else, hoping that, one day, someone will finally pour back into them. So they become the care taker. The fixer. The one who shows up, even when no one shows up for them.”
And the hardest part? Deep down, they're not trying to be strong. They're just waiting for someone to do for them what they've spent their whole life doing for everyone else.