stormmy hamiels

BLM he/him/they

[cory @coolmathgame_]

doctor: do you smoke or drink

me: yes

doctor: ok

me: are u mad at me

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

my wardrobe has progressively gotten blacker and blacker. not emo just lazy

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

min/maxing meet cute opportunities buy continuously dropping things at city market

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

simple changes to songs to ruin them: 🎶oh darling, if you leave me, i’ll never leave you alone🎶

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

deleting social media apps should come off as a healthy decision, but for some reason it still gives me “i’m gonna grow out my bangs, this time will be different”energy for some reason.

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

i don’t think i’ve heard an album as depressing and horny as SOS. like fuck crying in the club, we’ve evolved to sobbing while getting railed.

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

the canadian team should be allowed to play with ice skates on #FIFAWorldCup

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

blessed are the people that prefer no birthday song at their birthday dinner

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

given the last decade apparently “he was a boy, she was a girl” was not as obvious as originally thought

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

@enbyism @leftofphil it must be exhausting being so fucking attractive

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

im a #businessman and an #entrepreneur and im not a fan of this whole trick or treat bullshit. it’s making the future of america soft and reliant on handouts

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

oh OH ok so when folks rush in with a hammer and yell “WHERE’S NANCY?!” it’s a felony, but when I rush in hammered and yell “WHERE ARE MY PANTS?!” people just laugh at me???? #liberals need to make up their mind on what they actually want

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

@dorasinferno harry hairstyles

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

i’ve been really into trading responsibilities at work recently, for instance this was last night:

“hey dude i’ll help you close up if you but a fucking bullet in my brain”

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

“fucking so what?”

-Harry Potter reading that Jesus Christ turned water into wine

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

@enbyism do you have like size 20 shoe?

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

the disparity between chicken thighs vs chicken breasts has me very much convinced that god was an ass man

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

i make a lot of cannolis at my job, and let me tell you, i feel like a freaky slut creaming it up. i like to whisper to it after “oh that was so bad we gotta get plan b in the morning”

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

i’ve graduated to giving unsolicited advice in the gym. next step steroids! #fitlife

[stormmy hamiels @nsears802]

“i love doing something spontaneous” -tinder bio from people who rip bong and watch episodes of TV they’ve already seen most nights of the week