Whit Collard

If you're not recycling, you're throwing it all away

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Whit Collard @ntjohnson2]

@BadgerMBB @KamariMcGee 1 block

[Whit Collard @ntjohnson2]

@ZachHanley2 @BadgerMBB @BadgerWHockey @BadgerMHockey @BadgerWSoccer @BadgerFootball @BadgerVB And Both men’s and women’s cross country teams place 2nd in regional to qualify for championahip

[Whit Collard @ntjohnson2]

@Snack_Memories Pamida

[Ethan Booker @Ethan_Booker]

HOWARD DEAN: HOOOWAAAH!
2004 ME: this guy's a damn loony toon. politics is never gonna get wilder than this.

[Whit Collard @ntjohnson2]

@BadgerFootball Riding shotgun on i65 south through Alabama.

[Whit Collard @ntjohnson2]

@Stuckey2 Eastern Washington over Nevada by 5

[Blockhead @BlockheadNYC]

Don't forget the ladies of Utah

[Blockhead @BlockheadNYC]

This is a directory for some children's rodeo in Utah and ,boy , these names are fucking AMAZING

[Whit Collard @ntjohnson2]

Played at Brown Deer High School

[Walter B J Mitchell @WBJMItch]

Did you just hear Mel Kiper raving about the Cardinals' 6th round pick WR Tejahn Palmer (6-2, 210, 4.45) from Alabama Birmingham? Here have a look for yourself: https://t.co/lYgIAdCBrZ

[Whit Collard @ntjohnson2]

@akschaaf Got Elijah Hodge down for Virgin Island representation?

[Whit Collard @ntjohnson2]

@McNamaraRivals Judkins right?

[Whit Collard @ntjohnson2]

@BrendonFanning @Buck_Around Christian Bell. “Transfer from bama, he must be good!”

[Whit Collard @ntjohnson2]

@PeteThamel Thus closely the carousel, for now?

[Whit Collard @ntjohnson2]

Overperforming teams (compared to preseason win totals): NMSU +4 and Arizona +4.

Underperforming teams (compared to preseason win totals): Baylor -4.5 and Pitt -4

[Whit Collard @ntjohnson2]

@DillonGraff Can Large and Latu returning? Also Timmis listed as R-So. Bryce Carey too, I not a R-jr

[ryebadger @ryebadger1]

@RealEricTheRed In a sea of really bad performances over the last 2-3 years, this is the worst. This staff has not made a single adjustment or squeezed an ounce of improvement out of a single player on the roster. They have regressed at every position. But keep doing what you’re doing coach.

[Whit Collard @ntjohnson2]

@VinceBiegel Love these threads you’ve been doing lately, and thanks for sharing your perspective along the way.

[Fara Kaufman @justfara]

So, I spoke to people getting food at a food bank and here are some things I learned from those in need:
1. Everyone donates Kraft Mac and Cheese in the box. They can rarely use it because it needs milk and butter which is hard to get from regular food banks.
2. Boxed milk is a treasure, as kids need it for cereal which they also get a lot of.
3. Everyone donates pasta sauce and spaghetti noodles.
4. They cannot eat all the awesome canned veggies and soup unless you put a can opener in too or buy pop tops.
5. Oil is a luxury but needed for Rice a-Roni which they also get a lot of.
6. Spices or salt and pepper would be a real Christmas gift.
7. Tea bags and coffee make them feel like you care.
8. Sugar and flour are treats.
9. They fawn over fresh produce donated by farmers and grocery stores.
10. Seeds are cool in Spring and Summer because growing can be easy for some.
11. They rarely get fresh meat.
12. Tuna and crackers make a good lunch.
13. Hamburger Helper goes nowhere without ground beef.
14. They get lots of peanut butter and jelly but usually not sandwich bread.
15. Butter or margarine is nice too.
16. Eggs are a real commodity.
17. Cake mix and frosting makes it possible to make a child’s birthday cake.
18. Dishwashing detergent is very expensive and is always appreciated.
19. Feminine hygiene products are a luxury and women will cry over that.
20. Everyone loves Stove Top Stuffing.

In all the years I have donated food at the Holidays, I bought what I thought they wanted, but have never asked. I am glad I did. If you are helping a Family this Christmas, maybe this can help you tailor it more. It does for me!

[Rodger Sherman @rodger]

When you’re a Super Bowl winning head coach and they make a biopic about your life but it’s about your historic NFL suspension and the casting is extremely unflattering