Nate Gold

Chicago comedian plagued by gay thoughts

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

I wish people would appreciate me for more than just my dump truck ass.

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

Anxiety should be a sexual identity.

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

Earth Day out here making me think it’s trying to share naughty pics on Close Friends.

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

Jizzie McGuire ✌🏻

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

I think I may be in crisis, but also, like, lol.

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

Visiting my family and I can’t tell if my parents are yelling at each other in vicious anger or just having a regular conversation. And that’s the best way I can sum up being from Massachusetts.

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

I love that my anxiety makes me feel horrible for asking movers to move my stuff.

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

Unconvincingly screaming “I AM NOT A HOARDER” to myself, as I start the moving process.

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

The six words guaranteed to make me quiver:

Let’s go to The Container Store

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

I will literally do whatever it takes to not pay for shipping. Whatever it takes, aside from going to the actual store.

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

Maybe it’s already happened, or maybe it’s just around the corner, but at some point in your adult life, you will find yourself at a party being preached to about the benefits of fiber.

[alex @alax_rang]

Ok, but I might just end up wearing this outfit every day

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

Sorry if I seem like I’m in a bad mood. I’ve bitten same same spot in my cheek several times the past 24 hours and have now lost the will to live.

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

@MeaghanStrick You might not be wrong. Disorienting!

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

Spent the first half of therapy today talking about how I had trouble following Dune.

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

Meet me at PUBE.

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

Is it too late for me to start permanently speaking with an English accent without making it a whole thing?

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

Venmo is my favorite way to discover people are hanging out without me.

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

“You Sick” Box Theater?? In this climate?!?

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

“No one wants this.”

-Every Chicagoan in response to the air and water show

[Nate Gold @nzgold]

Didn’t think this was news to anyone. TLC did a special on me in the mid 2000s.