John 117

May your fate be unkind

[Neet @neet_sol]

Apparently referring to my coworkers as "cattle" and myself as the "herd leader" is enough to get fired

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I went to In-N-Out and ordered a cheeseburger. The cashier, a calm young woman named Destiny, asked me a question I did not expect.

"You want that Animal Style?"

I paused.

I did not know what this meant. But a samurai does not admit he does not know. So I answered with weight.

"...Animal Style."

"Cool. So that's mustard-grilled, extra spread, grilled onions, pickles. Yeah?"

I understood now. This was a sacred permission. For one meal, I was being told to put down my manners at the door. To eat the way a beast eats, without shame. I had waited my whole life for someone to give me this order.

"Yes," I said. "I will become the animal."

Destiny did not blink. "...Okay. You want your fries Animal Style too?"

I stopped. Even the potatoes?

"The potatoes also become animals?"

"I mean, they get cheese and sauce and grilled onions, so..."

"Then yes. Let the potatoes abandon their restraint as well."

"...Got it." She was the calmest woman I have ever met. "3x3, 4x4, or just the one?"

I did not know these numbers, but I knew a challenge when I heard one. "How many must I face?"

"It's, like, how many patties you want."

"How many is the most honorable?"

"...Four is a lot."

"Then four. A warrior does not ask for fewer."

She wrote it down without argument. A 4x4, Animal Style, with animal fries. She warned me once, kindly. "That's gonna be huge." I told her I was counting on it.

It arrived. It was a tower. Cheese and sauce ran down my hands the moment I lifted it. There was no clean way to eat it. There was no dignified way. That was the entire point.

I ate it like a beast. Both hands, no honor, grilled onion on my chin, and I have to be honest with you, it was the best thing I have ever put in my mouth.

For thirty years I have kept my manners at every table in the world.

They handed me a burger and told me to be an animal, and I have never felt so free.

So tell me, America.

The whole country knows the secret menu. What else are you hiding in plain sight?

And "Animal Style." Was I eating the animal, or finally becoming one?

[ArtButMakeItSports @ArtButSports]

Black Watch Series III, by Gene Davis, 1974

[machine yearning engineer @confusionm8trix]

if the pussy doesn’t have roguelike elements I’m not coming

[Libby, strongest preygirl @libbysalt]

How can you enjoy sex it has no deckbuilding or roguelike gameplay elements to make each run unique

[John 117 @obimango]

Contagion was sooo ahead of the curve

[unusual_whales @unusual_whales]

BREAKING: Anthropic has urged for a global pause in AI development as artificial-intelligence models are nearing capability to improve without human intervention, per WSJ

[SIREN @NiaMyles]

If you’re thinking about a ma it means you’re not busy enough? I have 3 jobs so now what?

[cory @coolmathgame_]

horror movie lovers be like i love that movie it made me feel fucking awful and horrible and really scared

[unusual_whales @unusual_whales]

Business schools are offering up to 50% off MBAs, per Entrepreneur.

[/ᐠ - ˕ -マ @attachgap]

grown ass man playing seraphine

[@realWokeism @realWokeism]

Karl Marx failed to consider the Steam Summer Sale

[B/R Football @brfootball]

BRUNO FERNANDES IS THE PREMIER LEAGUE'S NEW ASSIST KING 👑👏

He breaks the record for most assists in a single PL season with his 21st.

[John 117 @obimango]

Who knows the woman from the Bucks Wild Banner

[Farzad 🇺🇸 🇮🇷 @farzyness]

Whoever designed this needs to be fired immediately:

[John 117 @obimango]

Everyday I am grateful to have stepped away from the Public Education Sector

[bsqt @bsqt__]

obama playing deadlock: uhhhh spirit urn here

[John 117 @obimango]

Wuthering Heights was a decent watch 6/10

[ahad @ahad]

Luka Doncic hit Top 500 in overwatch on a laptop while being an NBA player

alot of yall spent a honda civic on your setup to be hardstuck gold and unemployed

[John 117 @obimango]

Fish & Chips at 10am should be illegal lmfaooo