maybe: your theatre friend from high school

a lopsided little lady

[maybe: your theatre friend from high school @oddreyparker]

picture this: my wedding day. I’m walking down the aisle. I’m going slow. Almost stumbling. Suddenly: it happens. the Willy Wonka pratfall.

[lxlia @lxlyuh]

explain it to me like we're about to kiss

[bug girl! @medusasgemss]

there is a worm somewhere right now restructuring the soil like it’s performing quiet architecture and i think we should respect that

[Weijia Jiang @weijia]

The Hilton donated the ~2600 dinners that went unserved at WHCD. They freeze dried the steak and lobster for longer shelf life before giving them to 2 shelters for abused women and children. HUGE thank you to the staff that worked through the night under terrible circumstances.

[where there are trees @sixepigraphes]

if you’re not texting me like this then leave me alone

[bug 🍊 @bug_socks]

do u think the moon was happy to see another girl up there

[Rolo Tony @PoorOldRoloTony]

Nobody has ever put into reasonable terms why the Muppets can’t host the Oscars. Chop chop. Should have happened decades ago.

[Isaac @isaacturnersong]

I was doing like an advanced kind of joke where it isnt funny

[al @fxingalx]

Yeah of course I support anti-homeless architecture. You mean like building homes for them to live in, right?

[S.🎧 @1ssve]

Your feed on Instagram used to actually end and there would be a message that said “you’re all caught up!”. You would then close the app.

[ally @missmayn]

boss has been “up for days” trying to Ai generate a set design and i told him we can just hire a 3D artist to do it in less than a day.

he reluctantly agreed and now he’s “amazed” he can request little tweaks and they can do it without altering the entire image.

cost: $300 🤦‍♀️

[໊ @meishato]

the man vs bear argument has been upgraded to man vs lion. a 13yr old girl in Ethiopia was abducted and abused by a group of men but was rescued by lions when they heard her crying and protected her until the police came. a literal wild animal saved a girl from... men

[maybe: your theatre friend from high school @oddreyparker]

rumor has it that woman is me

[Eve @evek181818]

there is a woman in this coffee shop drinking a ginger ale on ice who keeps holding a pen between her top lip and her nose. in my head we have been married for several years

[Jackie Singh @HackingButLegal]

Overheard: "It took four blocks and five years to go from kneeling on a black man's neck to shooting a white woman in the face"

[helen ⁎⁺˳✧༚ @helen_wangg]

i’m 23 and the boys in the friendgroup are starting to become useful. they’re reserving parking n shit

[Madelaine Hanson @MadelaineLucyH]

“Don’t bother to engage with them, they’re just little teenage boys trying to provoke you”

…don’t you think it is MORE alarming that 14 year old boys are threatening sexual violence and exhibiting extreme misogynistic rage?

[Antifa HR Director @berniehoe2]

But if I file my taxes wrong, I go to jail.

[𝐠𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐫 @____selah]

i miss when goon meant entry level mafia employee

[Fallon @filthtofilth]

In addition to being gentle and caring i am very neurotic and high strung. This is endearing to the right person i'm sure