Jordan Walz

cheese enthusiast. baltimore lover. pixel pusher.

[Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson]

SCIENTISTS: “We’ve produced the first-ever image of a supermassive Black Hole, 55-million light years away”
RESPONSE: “Oooh!”

SCIENTISTS: “We’ve concluded that humans are catastrophically warming Earth”
RESPONSE: “That conflicts with what I want to be true, so it must be false”

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

hermosa <3

[GoogleTrends @GoogleTrends]

"Dónde votar" ("where to vote") is the top trending search on Google in the US today - spiking 3,350%.

#Midterms #vote

https://t.co/7P9QmWr3G9

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

@zwalz3 https://t.co/pTgGlwwxm0

[Dan Rodricks, At Large @DanRodricks]

Baltimore region: Anyone know of a pond hockey game (en plein air) taking place this weekend? Discretion promised: [email protected]

[Bridger Winegar @bridger_w]

.@realDonaldTrump I know today was rough, but hey, you still have the Facebook support of the dumbest person I can remember from high school

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

Thanks for the gigantic #kitkat @klenktank !! Tru luv. 😻

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

Regarding #leaks - if your team respects you, there aren't leaks. For that to happen, you actually have to be WORTHY of respect.

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

Seeing people actively cheering for Trump makes me gag.

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

It makes me unreasonably uncomfortable when people date doppelgängers of their sibling. #stopsiblingdating

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

There is an epidemic of people on my morning commute confusing "Honda" with "Ferrari"

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

The dragging of the shoes as one walks has got to be one of the worst sounds ever. #agencylife

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

@klenktank I forgot the tide to-go! Can you bring me one from Michele??

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

@klenktank soooooo..... yeah. half of a day without you is not working for me. #sos #bringsnacks

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

@NBCNews unless you're interrupting to tell me #trump is being impeached, put @TheEllenShow back on.

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

Shout out to all the gen z'ers on #GMA that don't know the words to @hansonmusic & are just dabbing their little hearts out.

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

Viewing 'On This Day' on @facebook really teaches me how annoying my teenage self was. #imsorry

[HBO @HBO]

@offtheWalz 🙈

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

In love with @HBO #BigLittleLies but begging the universe that "Amabella" does not become a thing for baby names. #please

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

LOL @ all the people on my newsfeed saying 'I guess being white makes me racist nowadays' NO, being racist makes you racist. Open your eyes.

[Phil Nolan @nilpholan]

Name a more iconic duo, I'll wait.

[Jordan Walz @offtheWalz]

What if @POTUS said "Grab *your sister/mother/daughter* by the pussy" instead of 'them'? Pretty sure less people would think that was okay.